Am I Cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Am I Cheating?
5
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 7:35pm
I have been somewhat happily married now for 7 months. I love my husband dearly. He is a good man. Treats me good, good sense of humor, we get along so well. But there has been one problem. I still carry a torch for my ex boyfriend. Now he wasn't just an ex he was my first love. The guy I have measured all my other relationships up to. He was my dream man. I loved him with all my heart. I met him when I was 13. It was more of a puppy love type thing for me but we remained friends off and on. He was the guy I gave my virginity to. He broke my heart while we were in High School. He wanted to like by everyone and I wasn't part of the "in" group. But I always loved him. He has always said that then was not the right time for us. We both had to do some growing up and all these years I haven't stopped thinking about him. When I was in High School when I would tlak to God I would talk about my feels for him at the time. I told him that I felt that we were marry different people and possible have children but I knew deep down that I was going to end up with him in the end. My husband has dreams about me being with this guy. I have never told my husband how I feel even bring him up. I myself have dream. My ex is engaged now and I am married. I am 21 and he is also 21. Sometimes I have these thoughts of me being divorced and me and him falling in love and being together like I have always dreamed. Am I cheating on my husband and should I be feeiling gulity for these thoughts. I want my marrige to my husband to last forever and until but I can't stop thinking and feeling these things. Does this happen to anyone else? Please help me out here. Thanks for reading my long post.

Kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 7:55pm
It sounds to me like you are not cheating, but you are really fantisizing. YOu haven't acted on any of these feelings have you? Everyone is entitled to have their private thoughts. Everyone has a "fantasy" relationship in their mind. I think that's completely normal. But maybe you're just a little too hung up on this guy and should try to get over it. But I would not call that cheating. You shouldn't be feeling guilty over feelings you have, but just try to deal with the feelings and maybe find some closure.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 8:00pm
Hello Rose

It sounds more like you need closure on the old b/f more then anything else.

Sorry but you sound a bit imature as well, I wonder if it was a wise thing for you to marry so young you do not sound ready.

NO you have not cheated yet but if you do not learn to control you mind and emotions it will happen.

How come your husband knows about the X B/F, IF HE IS DREAMING ABOUT HIM HE MUST PERHAPS YOU TALK IN YOUR SLEEP.

make wise decisions Kim your husbands future depends on it.


Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 9:17pm
Well if you ask me everyone who cheats is immature and are not ready for marriage if they can't stay in their own bed. I HAVE NOT ACTED on anything. I have very happily married. You never really get over your first love you just learn to live with it and I was just asking that being this is the AFFAIR board that maybe there would be some openminded people hear. I am not sleeping around on my husband as it seems like most of you are doing. I am not lying to my husband. My husband and I have been very honest from day one and he knows about my ex because come to find out they work together. I thought this was a place where people could talk about things that they would not talk with anyone and not get critized. Obviously I was wrong. Before you judge someones character maybe you need to exmine you own and you my be suprised that you fine the same flaws.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 10:13pm
Hey, we are not critizing you at all. You asked for opinions, we are giving you our opinions. And you are a newly married woman, still have some feelings for ex B/F. There's nothing immoral about that!! I'm sure lots of people have feelings still for their 1st lover.

All we were trying to say is, YOU have done nothing wrong. But you are newly married and should probably try to concentrate on your M. You said you love your H and things are good. So work on that. As far as fantasizing goes, I don't know ANY woman friend who will not admit, that sometimes they have "fantasies" about either an old B/F or a celebrity. That's a fact of life. Hope you can work things out. We were not trying to give you a hard time, just trying to help a little!!Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 10:55pm
HI Rebel rose

Really your over reacting to my post.

You may think that only immuture people get into A but if you take the time to do some research you will find that there are a lot of different reasons it happens.

Never say never it can happen to you to, my comment about controling you mind was meant to convey the fact that all A start in the mind, the person in the A prepares themselfs to enter it by the thoughts they allow to reside in there mind day after day after a while the body just natural follows the mind.

Now I can tell you that you are wrong about never getting over your first love, I am several times older then you are and it has been a long time since my first lover meant much to me, much deeper emotional relationships that have followed mean much more now.

I my view the on going fantasy about x b/f has a potantial to open you up to an affair with him IF at some point in time you and your husband go through a rough period and your emotional connection is weakened , it has happened to lots of women that have posted here.

One other thing you should understand is that getting into an affair is much easer then getting out, once your emotions get sucked in you will have a very hard time saying NO to the OM, men change when they have there hooks in a woman they desire and will do just about anything to keep there hold on them and can be very ruthless about it.

I am sorry if you were offended , but you have no Idea what sort of crap entering an A for any reason can put you through.

take care

FREE