am i getting my just deserts?
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| Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:01am |
my head and heart are reeling right now...you know how that final straw hits and the world just doesnt seem anchored.
to start at the beginning..im the married one, 26 years, the "other man" is not .
my marriage has been on the downhill slide for the last 15, but i can honestly say it never was a relationship for the record books..
i married him because at the time, it was the "logical " thing to do..
i was raising a 1 year old alone (hubby #1 walked out the day he was born) , and there was a lot of interference from my family..especially my mother...she seemed to think my son belonged to her...
so i married current hubby, because he was a decent guy and had a good education and secure job..over the years i did come to love him, but i was never IN love with him..
Hubby was always a bit distant, i think because this is how his parents were..no real romantic gestures or signs of affection..since this was also something id never had..i just got used to it...
But what bothered me is that he was never part of the family..(we have two daughters together) i would literally Beg HIM to spend some time with us...as a family..just even to sit down and watch a movie together..but he always had something else more important to do...like sweep the garage floor...
as time went on even the kids acted like he was just a fixture in the house..
and my world became the kids and soap operas...
i was sitting there watching myself grow old...
then one of my daughters after a couple years of resisting ..talked me into buying a computer
and it was just a matter of time before i discovered...THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE!
and i fell under the spell of the cyber world..
a few days ago oprah had a show on about betrayed spouses...and she said...you know its over when the very sound of them breathing is an irritation...
and thats exactly what i was feeling about hubby...
the moment he would walk in the door from work, my stomach would go into knots..if he got within 3 feet of me i would almost go into a panic...for fear he would try to kiss me..
if you can picture yourself going to bed with a corpse every night...this is what i felt..
then i came across a man that showed me ...MAGIC>>>*** note..this was nearly 6 years ago
he had answered an ad i had posted and i in no way was planning anything more than a friendship..
i wanted someone to talk to that i had things in common with...but then dont we all..
we agreed to have dinner together and from the picture i had seen of him, i knew there was no attraction..i was safe...
but god has a warped sense of humor
the man that showed up did not look like the bookworn id seen a pic of..
this was the handsomest man id ever laid eyes on..(ok so i have a weakness for hairy muscular teddy bears)
we went on to dinner and i had never been so comfortable with anyone., and sometime during dinner he took my hand and never let go..(hard to eat steak with one hand)..we talked and laughed until we were all but asked to go home so they could close the restaurant..
if there was such a thing as love at first site..this was it..
he says he was in love with me 5 minutes after we met..i said i was the hold out..took me 2 hours..
now it never was my intention to make this anymore than what it was...we kept it low key, mostly going out to dinner or a movie but never anything overnight..(i had spent a lot of nights in the bookstore chatting with friends so being out late was not unusual and not questioned)...
after a couple of months he wanted to take a weekend trip together,and so i worked it out so i could slip away...
waking up in his arms that first night.....
if anyone has seen the last star trek movie..theres a scene with picard and the love interest...where she mentions holding on to that "one perfect moment in time"...
waking up in his arms was exactly that ....my one perfect moment in time..and i could live the rest of my life holding on to the feelings of that moment..
as time went on there was just no way of hiding it..my children met him and for the most part he grew on them...on one ocassion my youngest (8 at the time) asked if she could call him "dad" because she didnt like her dad......i watched as his eyes teared up..
my older kids dont call their dad when they have a problem..they call him..
i now have a 4 year old granddaughter and he is her favorite "grandpa"
he asked me to marry him 4 years ago...but its just not feasable..he barely makes enough money to support himself, and ive been pretty much a housewife all my life..with just jobs of convienence..
i know without a doubt that we as much a part of each other as a two souls can be
theres a story ....about long before time was measured , there was one being..totally complete into itself...having no need of the gods...this made the gods angry , so to humble the being , the gods divided it into two halves..and man and woman was created..
and since that day each has been hunting for the exact other half to once again become a whole being..
this man is my other half..
but it has not been without dues..
my parents didnt want him around BECAUSE it might upset my brothers two kids (ages 18 and 15)..and my brother and i had a major fight because of a very hateful act he did to my daughters and granddaughter..he said he did it because i EMBARRASS him.(my mother supported him)..ive seen my brother twice in 6 years, and once was at our grandmothers funeral...so figure how i embarrass him..
im not speaking to any of my family now..
last sunday i had gone to dinner with my best friend and her ex boyfriend shows up and starts a fuss about what im doing..it hurt even though its none of his business..
then today ...my daughter informs me that she is pretty sure that her boyfriend is going to propose on valentines ( bill from the jewelry store came in the mail) i told her i wasnt happy about the idea...the boy still thinks hes supposed to go out drinking with his buddies every weekend..and he seems to be content working for $6 hr and lettign her support him.,,she tells me i have no right to say anything as long as im doing what i am...
since when does a mother not have the right to want the best for their children?
i love this man and i dont even want to imagine what my life would be without him..and i know he feels the same..
but right now im feeling ....like maybe i should just give him up , to have peace in the family...on the other hand arent i entitled to be loved?..
and since he has never been married or had a family of his own..i feel like im taking something away from him...he would have made a great dad..
so ladies...i need opinions..
im tired of crying..
email...fairytale54@yahoo.com

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Hello:
I read your post, and am amazed....so you love this man, but no real mention of the man you are using, the man you are taking advantage of, the man who is nothing more than your MEAL TICKET.
Have you considered just biting the "financial bullet", and leave your H to be with your true love? Im sure that financially it will be difficult at first, but it could all work out for the best. Maybe by doing this it will somehow make things right with your family(mother, brother, etc.). As far as wanting what is best for your daughter and her impending engagement...maybe she feels that her soon to be fiance is her other half that she has been searching for, much in the same way that you feel about OM. Just because he's not "in the money" doesnt mean that he wont make a wonderful, loving husband. I am a mother too, of three children, and if my daughter wants to marry the pizza delivery man, then I will wish her all of the happiness in the world.
Just my thoughts...
BWE
*BWE*
I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. ~Ed Rooney
wont give up my animals..would be like parting with family.
i dont see this as using , hubby made the choice , he didnt wan t to be part of a family..just go to work and be blind to the rest of the world..im willing to bet ..if asked..he couldnt even tell you when his daughters birthdays are..ive told him he had a last chance with granddaughter..hed better wake up...he doesnt even notice her and when she INSISTS that he show her some affection..its about as fake as it comes..as if it STRAINS him to hug her..
i wish he would walk out...but he could never make it..emotionally on his own
a little more detail here..this young man my daughter wants to marry, has a college degree, but is "content" with working part time in a gift shop..she pays 75% of the household bills and instead of contributing more , hes out smoking im guessing over a pack at day(considering how much he smokes when we all go out to dinner), and he wants go to out with his buddies on weekends (usually involving drinking and pool)
love is wonderful, but it doesnt make the house payment or keep your kids clothed and fed..
i dont want the day to come when they decide to have kids..and their kids are raised in a daycare because he has no ambition to better his life..
im watching a close friend of mine now, working two part time jobs so she can work around her kids schedules when she cant, shes shuffling her kids around with state supported baby sitting, 3 months behind on her rent and getting warning notices from the utility companys ..because her husband is content working for 5.75 hr sweeping out truck trailors..
this is not the future i want for my daughter..
hi summersnow and welcome to the board!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
hello dragonreborn2004.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
i do have a question....
why is it that its not a big deal when a married man has an affair...after all hes still supporting wife and family...
but if a married woman has the affair..then OHH MY the SKY IS FALLING!
back to oprah again....as she said ..no one has an affair because the other person is better looking or has a better figure..its about how the other person makes you feel..
and i want to feel (and i dare any one to say they dont) ..i want to feel like i am the most important person to someone..
OMG summersnow, that's it exactly, we want to feel and be loved and be important to someone special!!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
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