Am I Going Crazy?????
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Am I Going Crazy?????
| Sat, 05-01-2004 - 1:01am |
Hey everyone, well i wanted to post about how i am doing since MM and I arent seeing each other anymore even though he still has not called me nor has he IM me telling me it is over between us, i just already figured that it is, we havent talked since the friend tried to blackmail me which is going on a month and a half so i guess he doesnt wont me anymore and it hurts but i am trying my best to get over it and it's hard because everything reminds me of him. I hate that i have such a good memory sometimes just laying in bed brings the memories back and then the tears start falling down on my cheeks. I have to hide my pain and hurt from friends and family even though i just want to break down sometimes, i just tell myself it will get better. Ok so here i am trying to move on and put MM out of mind, trying to stay busy and keep focus on other things but it isnt working. I think i am going completely crazy, see my MM's name is not that common so you would think i wouldnt hear that name mentioned sooo much but i do everyday. Here's a few consequences that has happened and it's weird. First of all, everytime a vehicle like his passes me i start thinking about him, i dont give that much thought b/c there's millions of people who have the same vehicle like his. The next one is i was going outside for a break at school and i just happened to glance over and there was the exact truck that he drives sitting right next to my car, same color, model, everything. Well that hit me hard b/c when we used to work together MM would always park beside my car. I went out of town to visit my parents and walked into a store to find out the manager had my MM's name. Just the other day i was at school and the girl sitting behind me had on a shirt and at first i didnt pay it any attention, when i turned back around, i saw the shirt with his name on it, uggh i am getting so frustrated with all of this, i even asked the girl to read what her shirt said b/c i thought maybe it was all in my mind but it's not. This is really scary to me, even before MM and I had issues with the A, i would still hear or see his name but it has gotten worse since we arent together. I know this post might sound to yall but i just want to know if anyone has experienced this and if they have, how do you really and truly get over the A when everywhere you go his name or the memories are being thrown in your face? I have tried everything, no emailing, calling, etc, but nothing is working, i want in a way to believe that maybe this is fate and even though we are not together now that maybe in the future we will be but that's just wishful thinking, i dont know what to do anymore and i need alot of advice from yall to help me out with this one. Also i have a chance to go back and reapply for my old job back where MM and I met and MM still works there till this day but i dont know if i can handle seeing MM everyday of my life knowing that he couldnt even say it was over, MM just walked away and knowing that he has hurt me so much that i am still angry at him. What would you guys do? I did mention this to MM before in our last conversation about going back to the old job but MM said it was more trouble than it was worth b/c then we wouldnt be able to talk or anything, well it isnt like we are talking now so i dont feel that matters anymore. He chose the easy way out, not me and no i dont wont to go back to my old job so i can see him, i really do miss the job i had and some of the people i worked for plus the paycheck but i dont know if i am strong enough to face him knowing deep down inside i just want to slap the crap out of him but i know i will have to put that behind me and act like i dont even know him even though i spent a year with MM. Thanks for letting me vent and i will be looking forward to some suggestions or advice. Have a nice day

you are not alone, I have cried a river of tears lately. hugs!
I have tried to get him but haven't heard anything back. Now I'm just waiting. I can't demand any explanation, how can I when I can't contact him?
I don't know if he's going thru a guilty phase right now, or busy or what. I can't believe he never wants to see me again, but maybe that is what's happening. I would like to know, but I can't get any answers. Its hard to live with that. I hope I do hear from him again, at least I can voice my feelings about the way he's treated me.
Dusty
Please don't take offense, hon, none was intended.
I do agree with you on your comments to dusty rose. Sound like
a one way "A". I also know, when you are comsumed by someone
sometimes we don't think about who is the controlling force..
the only force is what we feel for someone, and the desire is
so great, we take any little time with our MM that we can.
I know it is not right to be treated that way, but somehow
all common sense goes out the window.....when you see
or hear from them.
What are we to do, boston?
Thanks Again,
Bunny
Dusty