am I kidding myself?
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| Mon, 07-26-2010 - 3:55pm |
Hi all,
Been doing a lot of thinking over the weekend after my meeting with AP on friday night and I am wondering if I am kidding myself that we can just be friends.
I know that I still care and so does he, dropped him a text today saying hi hope you've not fell out with me and he text back I would never fall out with you i've just been busy with work. I could kick myself now as I don't want to be obsessive with him again especially as I am the one that has made it clear I only want to be friends.
I don't know what it is about him but he has got under my skin and I just don't think I can let go. I keep replaying our conversation from friday night and me saying that I knew we could never have a real relationship and him replying never say never! what has happened to me?Him telling me he meant everything he said to me, that all those years he had a crush on me and now here I was everything he had ever wanted and we are in the most difficult situation we could possible be in.
I know that I am kidding myself and that I am going to get even more hurt so why am I clinging on like this? I do value his friendship and don't want to lose that but im scaring myself that I will never be able to let go and move on with my life. maybe it's the monday blues there seems to be a few on a down day today. I was so positive that

I think it'll take some time, ali, but one day I think you can just be friends with him.
AP and I have talked about all the scenarios in which we'd have to end things, and how neither one of us would ever want to lose the other's friendship.
anotherseyes
Hi Ali,
I think once we cross that line, we can't ever go back to "just being friends" especially when feelings & emotions were involved. Some may disagree but I really believe that once its over like an "addiction" we just can't go there anymore. The temptation to go back and the possible relapse is too great. This is the reason why as much as I want to end my A I can't seem to do it because of losing that friendship I had with him first. Its like I'm scared to lose him as a friend and I have to if I want to move on and save my marriage.
I blame myself for letting it get to this point and in the end I'll be left without my lover and a friend = (. But hey I guess that's one of the consequences I have to pay.
Wishing you well!
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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Awww thanks another just one of those days
Hi Rayne,
I think that is what worries me that once you have crossed that line there is no going back to how it was before. Maybe because I am a SW and have nothing to save it is different for me.
We have discussed the possibility of me meeting someone else and he admitted that it would be hard for him to accept and he would be gutted, but he also realises that he has no right to stop me from moving on. He actually said that he wants to check them out make sure they treat me ok or they will have him to answer to LOL he is an ex boxer so I have no doubt that he means what he says LOL
The trouble with A's is that somewhere along the way someone gets hurt and has to accept the consequences but it still doesn't stop us doing it LOL At least I still have my sense of humour!
wishing you well also Rayne
ali x