And still, I love him.
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| Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:02pm |
So many frustrations and disappointments. My world has been repeatedly rocked and I'm stumbling, searching for terra firma.
We don't know if we'll be going to our convention. We don't know if we'll be together. He's fence sitting. Why does it feel like the pole is up my a**?
And then he can say three words and I'm lost all over. This is the man I've waited for for millenia. The fates have screwed us over in more than one life, and I want it fixed. I'm a fighter, and I am handicapped because this has to be his fight.
But if he really loves me and if he really believes that we are meant to be one, then he will fix it. It won't be easy...and the cost will be high. But he *will* fix it.
Who called this a roller-coaster anyway? I think they were too kind with their allegory.
Advice on how to help him move into the new life he says he wants and I know we want?
Cazrida

Bumping and begging: Any women out there who actually married their loves, I'm listening.
Cazrida
Thanks, Soxs,
My A began as something fun and light hearted. We already knew and respected each other, and thought we'd just spend some time together. It wasn't any time at all before it was serious.
He made plans to leave his wife. He came and read the eulogy at my mother's funeral. My children know him. He's met everyone in my family.
Then he "flinched" when his wife was going apartment hunting. He told her to look, but not to sign anythings.
Now she's more than suspicious, he says she's acting like she wants him on a leash. I can hear his frustration, but they have been married 25 years and there are tons of financial considerations to go along with the emotional ones.
I've been very quiet. I never asked him to leave her for me. I have asked him not to talk forever again with me unless and until he's ready to commit. Which has me riding a roller-coaster that's making me dizzy. He isn't happy. He has said so in more than one way. He wants the life we planned, but is having a hard time moving out of his comfort zone.
As I said, I'm a fighter, but I feel like I'm fighting with my hands tied. I won't ask him to leave her and I won't continue like this forever, either. I love him and I ache for him. I'm so proud of the man he is, and I'm proud that he loves me.
I tried to take it back to FWB. Can't do it. I'm close to the point where I'll tell him that the most loving thing I can do is to go away and let him try to repair his marriage. (But we're in the middle of co-writing a novel, plus we-re co-owners of a writers group...so that's a whole other issue. If I leave, I still need to be his friend.)
Anyway, I told him this morning what I want. It wasn't a whine, just a statement. He told me that it was hard for him to read because that's what he wants too. I was proud of myself for not saying, "then make it happen." God, I wanted to say that.
So, for those of you who actually did marry the MM, what happened? Is there anything I could or should do to help him with his decision? Or do I just keep loving him and communicating with him and waiting and hoping? (Understand...I won't do that forever. Period.)
HELP!!!!!!!!
Cazrida
Bump and Beg. Help, please?