Another newbie :)
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 11-04-2009 - 7:58am |
Hi all,
I am new and have been lurking for a while (I think that's a trend...). It's been nice reading everyone's experiences and trying to learn from them. I'll give my background and try to get to the point quickly (I have a tendency to ramble when I write, but not when I talk oddly enough...).
I am in my mid twenties and been married for over 4 years. I am pretty sure I got married too young... but at 19, I was too stubborn to stop and think. I have no kids.
I am in an EA. I've been in love with my AP for 8 years. We dated in high school, but my parents were constantly giving me a rough time about it and eventually told me I couldn't date him anymore (due to religious differences). It was tough, but I felt guilty for being with him thanks to my parents and decided that we should just break up and move on. The problem is, I didn't move on. I met my husband 4 months after I broke things off with then BF. Husband is exactly what any parent would want in the guy that dates their daughter. We had tons in common and he seemed perfect, so even though I had some reservations, I decided that marrying him would be for the best and there would be nothing better out there. During the relationship/engagement, I still talked to then ex-BF and often got in trouble for it (this should have been a clue, but I was a dumb teen).
I stopped talking to then ex-BF after I got married for about a year because I wasn't allowed to by my husband. Husband went away due to job for 6 weeks and then ex-BF contacted me. We ended up going to movies and he ended up staying all night hanging out at my apt. We cuddled but that was all. It felt so good. Afterward, he told me he still loved me and that would never change, but we must not have been meant to be. We talked a couple of months after that. My husband found out about what happened and called and told ex-BF to never speak to me again. He did anyway, but then I moved and we fell out of contact. One year later, we got back into contact. I moved to a foreign country so our contact was limited. We mostly talked on a friend level. I went home to visit and we met up to go shopping. He had a GF. After that, he completely ignored me and got married. A year later, I sent him an e-mail asking why he was ignoring me. He finally responded and told me that when we went shopping he realized that he still had feelings for me and that since he was getting married, he decided to ignore me because I was confusing him. That message was a year ago.
We've been talking since then. It's hard to say when he turned from my friend to my AP. It started out as heavy flirting and now we have e-mail accounts just for each other (his idea). We've done everything possible to be sexually close... cyber sex, phone sex, exchanged dirty pics... Being in a different country is killing me because I just want to be with him again.
But we also are very close as far as telling each other things. My husband got physically abusive with me the other night (this is very rare) and I went to AP to talk about it. We talked for 3 hours on the phone last week. He's the only person I can talk to this much. Neither one of us are keen on the whole divorce thing, so I don't see us leaving our spouses and being together publicly, but I love what we have for now.
The good part is that I'm moving back to the states in 2 months. He seems to be excited and wants to meet up when I move back, but I don't know if he'll stick to it or not. I mean, he is married and I don't know if he could deal with the guilt. And I'm also trying to be careful with things I say to him, because I don't want to scare him off. So, I was wondering what other people's experiences were with finding out boundaries on what you should and shouldn't say to AP??? Neither of us have said the "L" word and I don't know if that's even the point we're at (even though I totally am head over heels for this guy). Its so hard to gauge phases of affairs...
Thanks for any advice :)

First - the fact that your husband got physically abusive with you last night, and from how I read it
Hi nes,
I have to agree with the last poster. If he is abusive whether it was