Another one bites the dust

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Another one bites the dust
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 6:58pm

Well I finally was able to log on to here so thought I would try and post my latest update...

I met a guy on AM about a year ago and things were going really good.  We talked all the time and saw each other regularly.  We became really good friends and he was there when my XAP committed suicide earlier this year for support and helped me through that tough time.  He did all the right things until about 3 months ago..I noticed a change in him and even called him on it asking if there was someone else.  He said no, he was just busy.  I could understand the busy part because I knew he was studying to take a major test to move him up the ladder in his career and being from similar professions, I really did get it.  I tried to be supportive and be there for him and not a distraction.  When he was not with his family, he was studying so that did not leave a lot of time for me.  We went from talking and texting all day to a few texts a day to a text or two every few days.  Towards the end of August, I sent him an email (the 1 and only time I had ever emailed him) and told him that I understood he was trying to move up with his career and was focusing on that and his family.  I told him that I missed our conversations (because he truly had become a close close friend that I could share pretty much anything with and did).  The email was not sappy or mushy or even revealing anything about us having any other kind of relationship other than a great friendship.  I have heard from him since that email was sent but the texts were farther apart and less and less until about 3 weeks ago when he started trying again to be like he was at the beginning.  Having been in an affair before, I was aware of the "honeymoon"phase and just chalked stuff up to that until I saw a couple of red flags about 6 weeks ago.  I had pulled way back from things and I think that is why he was trying so hard to be good again. 

Well last week, I woke up to an email from the email address I had was from his wife who had found the email.  She said that I was not the only one, that she had read a bunch of different email conversations from at least 20 different girls but my email was sad to her.  She left her phone number but of course I am not doing anything with way on earth that I would ever call her.  I have been through the wife calling issues with my XAP and not interested in the least bit in taking a trip down that course again.

So I have not heard from him since that day nor do I even expect to and was actually not really even too sad that this happened..I think knowing that he was talking to plenty of other girls made it easier to just say hey, lesson learned. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Mon, 11-26-2012 - 8:57pm
Hope you are OK and sending a prayer into the Universe that you find peace within yourself. How long are you going to put youself through this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 8:49am

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost a good friend.

I met my AP on AM nearly 3 years ago.  We've grown closer but I'm still aware that he has been a serial cheater for nearly 15 years.  His wife has caught him on several occasions so she is aware of what he does.

I've wondered why they stay with a husband who they know is constantly cheating on them....