another OW?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
another OW?
9
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 12:08am

AP is interested in someone else. I know this because I know him. She is single(divorced) with children. I don't know whether she is interested in him or not. I know they are close friends. But now, every time I come to this board, I am wondering if this other woman is the one my AP is pursuing, if she is posting here. Or if they haven't already started something. I know she knows he is married....I just wish she had more morals than me and would leave him alone.

I shouldn't sound so confident, but my instinct is usually dead on. I am heart broken over him possibly having another AP. I just don't know if I can handle it. I love him deeply and do not want to lose him.

I feel so worthless thinking that I may be one of 3 women. I can handle being secondary to his W. But another woman....that just makes me feel like a whore.

To the people who have had 2 AP's....how do you do it? Do they know about each other? Have you ever been the 1st or 2nd of 2 AP's?

I'm just looking for other people that have been there. I don't want to end this A but I think I need to keep a hold of my dignity and staying with someone who wants another AP is just too much for me to handle. Not because of him being with another woman, but because I am so deeply in love with this man that it will kill me to know he is with someone else!

I'm sorry this is all over the place. I can't stop crying.....I can't stay focused on anything and I just want to isolate myself from the world right now..........

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 12:37am

I can't offer you any advice because I haven't been in that situation. Sending you hugs.

Pisces




Edited 11/23/2008 8:27 pm ET by pisces2008
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 5:27am
I am really sorry that you are going through this. I think it sucks that he is doing that to you. I agree that in order for your self esteem, and sense of self respect to survive you should leave him alone. I can imagine that it will be very difficult for you to make that move. I hope that you can work through this and find a place that your comfortable w/.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 10:07pm

I've been lurking for several days now and this is my first post.


I've had As before, but have been "Behaving" for most of the last 5 years- one particular A (of course the one I was MOST in love with) I knew there were others, besides just the live-in gf, but denial kept me from doing anything about it. Ultimately, I hated the roller-coaster and being one of many pushed me off- And trust me the fall hurt! He was so good at lying that I now believe little he said was true, but he could sure make me believe the sky was green if he wanted. Probably still could if I spent any time at all with him.


Until a few weeks ago- I had not been involved in anyway

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
In reply to: jrcc06
Sun, 10-12-2008 - 10:22pm

Well, welcome to the board. And thank you for your response. I had a back and forth with another poster elsewhere and she offered some insight that was helpful.

It is degrading to be in an A to begin with, I guess, but to be one of many women is just too much to handle. There has to be a point where I draw a line. I told him ages ago I thought it would be great to be with multiple people as we both really love sex. The closer I get to him, the more I can't do it. I'm just not interested in anyone else! Funny how that works.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having a hard time dealing with being back on the roller coaster. And if you love attention, like I do, I understand just how hard it is to reject it. Maybe just not answering when he calls? I know easier said than done.

Good luck and once again, welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 7:53am

I could NOT handle sharing my AP with another OW.

Edwina
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2007
In reply to: jrcc06
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 10:07am

I guess my take is just a bit different, and I don't mean to upset you.


I love AP very much, and would do anything I could for him. Right now, he is very ill and dealing with so much. I am separated but have nearly zero contact with STBX. But AP is still M so we get limited time together, although we talk and text every day.


Being newly moved out from STBX, I was sitting at home on weekend nights while AP was with W out with neighbors, family, etc. My teenage DD suggested I go out with someone, (she didn't know about AP). I knew we couldn't be together, and I figured I would at least see what's out there, since most D women complain that there aren't any good men.


So, I met a few for drinks, dinner, etc. Most were nice enough but if they didn't pursue me, it was easy to just let them drop. One did see me for awhile, was very sweet, bought me a b-day gift, gave me firewood he cut, would cook for me, etc. It was just nice to be out with someone and not worry about getting caught.


Then AP was diagnosed and we were both heartbroken. The dating seemed to help me cope with the worry over losing him. Twisted I know, but it was only a distraction, I didn't have feelings for these guys, it was just a way to play out what I wanted with AP. I would text him from the bathroom while on a date, I was always thinking of him but

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 11:51am
Well I know first hand what it feels like to find out you are not the only OW. My last A lasted only
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Mon, 10-13-2008 - 2:32pm

i think that people have different chemistry with different folks...like my AP may have gotten into some sort of A with another woman but need someone else as well in his life other than her and his W...feel me...i don't think i ever presented myself that way to him...and he's never had an A before...(besides the fact that he told me he's old and tired and couldn't handle more than 1 of me as it is...lol lol..but he still loves it)


when you established your "relationship" did you say that you were dating other people, or did you just say you and him....i never did that..although i thought about saying it just to hurt him at times..because I was hurt...i always let him know..i haven't been with anyone else since him or been on a date with anyone else since the beginning...


i think in an A, you have to MAKE the AP feel as if they are the only ONE, WHEN YOU ARE WITH THEM.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
In reply to: jrcc06
Sat, 10-18-2008 - 2:00pm
Of course he wants another woman.