Another rollercoaster ride, buckle up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Another rollercoaster ride, buckle up!
2
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 6:56pm
I've been trying really hard the last month to end my EMA. But, today I caved and ended up having a long lunch with OM which of course involved sex. We have not been physical in almost a month and only in contact at work. NC is not an option since we work so closely together, he can't be avoided.

I have tried to keep things professional, but was feeling so weak today. I can't help it, I'm still attracted to OM, I still want to see him BUT, it's so wrong! I'm married with a small child and I have no intentions of divorcing. Why would I risk it all????? To be perfectly honest I think OM and I have become closer by not having any physical contact. We seem to have developed a great friendship and I'm feeling so close to him. I try so hard to stay away but am drawn to him. I want to do the right thing.

This afternoon was so hard. I know this sounds so corny, but for the first time I didn't just feel like we were screwing, it was emotional for me. I cried when I left because I feel so confused. OM just called to see if I am ok, he says if there is anything he can do for me to let him know, he wants me to be happy. I guess the only thing he can do for me is stay away :( OM isn't married and is pushing me to make a decision. He obviously wants me to leave my H. I told him I'm not divorcing until I feel I've tried everything I can to make it work.

I've talked to H about not being happy and the last 2 weeks he has tried so hard, things have really improved. H is a good man and I should be happy with him, but the truth is I'm not happy because I can't stop thinking about OM.

don't know what to do. I'm feeling so deflated and like such a bad person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:17pm
Hi Bad Girl,

You really sound like this is tearing you apart. Have you tried other boards as well as this one to get advice from those who have successfully ended their A? You sound like you don't want the A to continue, even though you are obviously very drawn to OM who does not have nearly as much to risk as you do. While you may get some good advice here about ending the A, have you looked on the Ending an A Board or the All Sides Board? There may even be other boards that can help you. My advice is to try a few and see what kind of responses you get. You will have more success if you broaden your net so to speak. So get advice from other sources too and good luck. I really hope things work out for you, your H, and your child.

Pen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 11:25am

hi bad girl.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board