any advice?
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any advice?
| Sat, 09-12-2009 - 4:35pm |
hi, i've been lingering for awhile, really i didn't think it would be this long that i'd have this situation in my life.
| Sat, 09-12-2009 - 4:35pm |
hi, i've been lingering for awhile, really i didn't think it would be this long that i'd have this situation in my life.
You know there will ALWAYS be an excuse for him not to leave. Legit or not, excuses is are all they are. If he wanted to be with you, he would. Simple.
She has lost a baby so if he left her now he would look like an a$$, if they try for another baby and dont succeed, he looks like an a$$ and if she falls pregnant and he leaves, he still looks like an a$$. You both are in a lose-lose situation and all it comes down to is if your relationship is worth the damage you will create if you go forward.
My view is to go ahead with your life (as relatively normal as you can) go on dates get a new hobby etc. What you DONT want to do is sit on your hands and wait for MM to CHOOSE to be with you. Get your life back and then you DECIDE if you want to be treated like his seconds.
Good luck.
Edited to add: while i fully understand his feelings to you are real as are the reasons he is staying ( I have a year under my belt hearing those and he is a genuine good guy in that sense of not wanting to cause W pain) you are ENABLING him to avoid taking the leap by sitting around waiting. He will never get an epiphany to say that "Hey, today is a great day to leave my wife. I think im going to cause some pain now" I am not saying he never will leave, just that it is highly doubtful given the circumstances as they are now.
SB
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Edited 9/12/2009 10:15 pm ET by sometimesblue
Good morning SB
Boy did i ever need this today. I have been posting on EAS because that was where i thought i was heading. My xmm ended the A 4 weeks ago. Could not go NC because he is my boss, so did LC as much as we could. He told me two years ago he would never leave his wife. I justified that in my mind and accepted the doormat treatment. I had other issues i was trying to work out like ending my M.
During these 4 very hard, depressing, very low
I feel your pain. In my case after years of apathy and indifference to his feelings, he mentions D and she all of a sudden wants to play nice. Unfortunately, since the W was there first, either their conscious gnaws away at them to try again so they can say to themselves "i DID try" or the other hand so the H doesnt look like a complete scumbag (to outsiders that do not know the full situ) he has to give the M another try.
It all hurts like a bi*ch because youre already there in it - knee deep in the crappola that has become your love life. What is left is to work out if thats where you want to be in another year or two. If you are ending your M, then maybe you can give your full concentration to that right now. His inability to stick to a decision will still be the same and when you have got your head screwed on straight and recovered from your own emotional stuff of your D, if you still feel like waiting for him then more power to you.
There is so much help in the Healing Library in EAS and the Breaking Up Board- i was told about it and it has sanity saving articles and links i have read over and over. The Zen of Doing Nothing was a godsend..heres the link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1&x=y
It got me over that itch to contact him and I am sure the more you browse, the more resources you will find that suit you.
When you need to vent, cry or whatever, post here and there are always sympathetic people wanting to help and support you.
Wishing you the best (whatever that is for you)
SB