Any hopefuls?
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| Sat, 01-03-2004 - 8:51pm |
Anyway, i told him I felt like I needed to know what he wanted and/or needed from me in order to stick to my resolutions for the New Year. He knows I do not want him to leave his wife to marry me right now- not what I'm looking for- he needs to do that for him; not me or we would never have any future. He also said that he didn't know if he would leave his wife, if he would be kicked out of his house or if he'd stay married forever. Just didn't know and he wasn't going to bs me ever. He said what he wanted from me WAS me and that he didn't know how else to put it after 2 years. He then asked what I wanted from him and I told him I wanted to love him for him and to have him love me for me and not be afraid to ever say anything, feel that strong bond and just be content knowing and feeling it. What is meant to be will be. He said, "We already have that."
Here's my question: I read these things about being 'conned' and only hearing what we want to hear when really there are red flags everywhere. I guess I am feeling hopeful again that what we have is real and worth holding onto but I don't want to be stupid.
What does everyone think? Any hopefuls out there?

I am sure you will get lots of hopefull posts (and I hope there right), the only thing that got my attention was the statment
((((What is meant to be will be. He said, "We already have that.")))))
I asked a male friend what that means when a man says that, He said it means that is all you can expect from him (the preasent state of the relationship) and not to expect to much more as in he is not leaveing his wife\family ever.
I know from your post that you are ok with that so have a good time.
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I have to say first, I'd love another male opinion and second, I do appreciate the honesty. There was a time when I was contemplating divorce but b/c of my child it took a long time and much soul searching and making one final failed attempt to finally go through with it. Sometimes loving someone else doesn't matter when it comes to children,etc. Reality is reality.
Sorry for the rambling I am just looking at this year as the beginning of my new life and are trying to work through some of these things before tomorrow. WORK!
I should also say that while I do not want him to divorce his wife and marry me right now, I do want and expect baby steps towards something. I just know he needs to do it for him not me or we would end up being doomed in the future. I think I have decided on the supportive and loving route rather than the NC route. He has never been untruthful and has always been there for me and I know he needs me right now. NC doesn't seem like the way to have what is really right- whatever that is.
As you you said you would like more male input I had a male relation read this post.
He had only one comment on what the MM said GIBBERISH AND DOUBLE TALK, thats his view not mine so please do not get mad at me.
I do have one question::How do you know he has neve lied to you, being realistic and from personal experience I know that a Married person in A has to be able to lie and do so well enough to be very convinceingly or you get caught.(I learned to lie very well).
Lieing became an easy habit any time I was cornered at work , home or to the traffic cop.
BE WELL
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What I wonder is- is he just too weak- all I ever hear is how he just doesn't know what he wants- long term that is. That makes me want to say that I am willing to love and support him but not until he know what he wants. I'm not even asking for action here- he just needs to decide what he wants. I have told him this before and he brings up all of the obstacles (kids-3).
I am getting angry now and I thought I was at peace! Ugggh.
Sorry I did not mean to upset you , that's what happens when you get male input,you ask for the truth and they think thats what you really want , the fools.
I got to ask you is this guy as pus*y whipped as he sounds, or is he just running a game on you?????
I hope he looks like Brad Pitt for all the trouble he is causeing you!
I suspect he knows what he wants in the long term, to keep you holding on.
Do you know his family members personely?
Sorry if I am sounding like a bi*ch I am suffering from java withdrawl.
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I do know his family, though not well. He works at my company so I therefore see his wife the once in a blue moon that he brings her to a work wedding, dinner party, whatever. She can't stand me- even from before. He has made the comment from before that we are 2 totally different people and he's right. It isn't hard to see their disconnectedness- I know NOT a word but it seemed to work. I can also see his marriage slowly falling apart before my eyes and I know he must see it. I don't understand knowing he needs to put forth effort there to save it but yet not doing it- like he's stuck in quicksand. Yet- he doesn't know what he wants longterm. MEN. It's weird- my description of him doesn't at all sound like the pillar of corporate strength that he appears to be to everyone else.
And tell your man friend that i am a girl that would always rather have the truth straight up. It's just hard via internet when no one really knows everything about any situation.
Your right about the internet and dealing with bits of info.
Sounds like a great mess your in GOOD LUCK I think your going to need it.
Men, to bad you can't put them in a cage when not needed.
I have to go and p/o Fantasyland now see you.
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