Any MW with Single AP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Any MW with Single AP?
33
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 12:16pm
Hello, Im wondering how many of us are married with single APs? Is it just me or does it seem like its so much harder? Being that my AP and I live over 2hrs from each other,I find myself constantly wondering what he is doing? Obviously he is dating other women and so im worried about not getting out of my marriage in time to be with him. Sometimes I dont even know if he wants anything long term with me other than sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 10:24pm
Ladies, i believe how the single guys look at it when they are involved with you a MW is this- you are married and in their eyes, they don't see why they should remain faithful to you when, as someone else said, they don't have a future with you. i guess that is how they look at it. so they date someone else cause they can't have you full-time. that is my interpretation of wht they might be thinking.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 11:35pm
I am a MW with a single EAP, which has not gone PA (we almost did - long story and not for this post), but we have had cyber sex. We live in different states, so even if we were in a PA, it would not be reasonable to expect that we would be able to be together much. That being said, I cope by just focusing on the reality of my situation. Yes, I love him, and he loves me. But, I am married, and he is single, and so he needs to have the choice to decide if he wants to see other people or not without worrying about my freaking out, and this is fair because he does not freak out over the fact that I am with my H. This is not to say that I would not feel jealous if he did begin seeing someone, because I would. Yes, I would also worry, at times, that he may choose her over me, but it is a risk I run since I am not available to be in a full-time relationship with him. Of course, he is running the risk that I may never leave my H and family. Before he moved from the west coast to the east coast due to work, he went out with his ex a few times, and I was jealous of her 'face time' with him, as I called it, he admitted he was jealous of my 'face time' with my H, so we were even. That being said, as long as he is up front with me if he begins seeing someone else, I will not be upset with him. He is single and he has a right to be in a relationship if he so chooses, I am. As we have not gone PA, I can be certain he is not in it for the sex, lol, but I do often think that he is leery of taking us further due to that fact. No disappointment kind of thing. However, he insists that he is happy and he does not want to see anyone else, but he will let me know if that changes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:06pm
Wow, you and I sound so much alike. I have been looking for advice from a MW in an A with a SM. Mine, too, is soon to be 3 years. I love mine very much but don't think we will ever be together. I am not happy at home at all but haven't divorced yet. Not the right time. It's hard, I agree. Why do you think it's near the end? Has he said something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:13pm
I know my AP dates others and it used to bother me but I realized he has the right. I choose the don't ask, don't tell rule. We don't discuss that and I can deal with it better that way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:20pm
I was beginning to think I was the only one is this situation. Seems there are far fewer of us then MW seeing MM. This has helped a lot. Thanks to all!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 11:00pm

Im so glad to see a thread with so many MW with single guys!!!!!


I also am a MW seeing a single man. He was married ,as well, up until a year ago. So the transition to him becoming single has been a difficult one for me. He swears up and down that now that he is single the only that has changed for him is that we dont have to worry about his schedule to be able to get together. Only my schedule has to be taken into consideration now which does mean it is easier to see each other. But on the other hand, I worry and stress over when he will decide that he needs some one full time instead of part time like me. Only time will tell. And weekends are a major cause of anxiety for me, even though I can text or call him anytime to get reassurances, it still is very

~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 1:30pm
I, too, worry about the day he finds someone to be with. I can't let go now, but am stressing about that day, unless we somehow end up together, which I want more than anything. I sometimes wonder what the h*ll I am doing to myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 4:06pm

I dont know how you can stand knowing he is dating. I know for a fact that I couldnt deal with that. I couldnt even stand it, when during one of our break up periods,

~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 6:22pm
Well, it used to bother me but I care for him greatly and I know it isn't fair for me to expect him not to see others. I love him but I don't know how he feels for me, other than caring and enjoying my company. If he told me about the other women I would be very hurt but I have learned to block out those feelings about certain things. I mean, I have a sort of wall up but know one day I will be very hurt if and when we stop. It's been almost 3 years and things are better than they used to be. I now see him every week. I am happy with what I have and opt to leave the drama out of it. I'd rather have him this way than no way at all. I am sorry you have such a hard time with it. How do you deal with it? Do you talk to him about it? What does he think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 6:25pm
I am wondering if all of your AP's have told you that they have feelings for you? Mine has not, and told me long ago that he wouldn't go there. I think he does, but am not willing to risk losing him by bringing it up. I told him I loved him a while back, so I feel better and go with the flow. Do they tell you that they love you? How do they act that lets you know?