Any MW with Single AP?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2009
Any MW with Single AP?
33
Tue, 11-03-2009 - 12:16pm
Hello, Im wondering how many of us are married with single APs? Is it just me or does it seem like its so much harder? Being that my AP and I live over 2hrs from each other,I find myself constantly wondering what he is doing? Obviously he is dating other women and so im worried about not getting out of my marriage in time to be with him. Sometimes I dont even know if he wants anything long term with me other than sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 9:13pm

I think this thread is interesting in the fact that the discussion of having feelings for 2 men at once is hard. When a MM has an A with a SW, the man is most times labelled a cake-eater and user. I know that males have a different mindest on emotions, but this thread certainly shows the other side of the coin. It IS possible for the MM to be completely confused and have real feelings for his AP even if he is M. The money, kids and not hurting your DS are genuine concerns, but when the heart is involved, nothing is easy.

Gives me some comfort that we are all basically the same no matter what gender.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 10:48pm
Its really hard for me to deal with it but he is doing
~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 10:57pm
We started out as FWB. That didnt last long before we started having feelings for each other. He has told me he never told me how he felt early on because he was afraid it would scare me off so it was a few years before we really told each other we loved each other. Our relationship started out as friends so we had a good foundation and it grew. He tells me he loves me all the time. If we end a conversation on the phone without saying goodbye, he has called me back to say it. He does so many things for me that show his love its hard to name them all. Even when he was still married he was as attentive as he could be under the circumstances. Now if I could only believe him when he says he is happy in this lopsided relationship with me!!!
~Layla~
~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 10:09am
I am a SM in an EA with a MW for 22 years now.It did start as being friends,then PA for a while then EA forever now!I was divorced when we met and was not looking for anything serious but these things happen when we least expect it.it was a journey to hell and back ,relating it to the emotional rollercoaster and there was no website to go and pour your heart out and try to decode,lol.but we worked it out,slowly but steadily.she was not in a position to leave her marriage and it was like a dagger in my chest to come to terms with it but i did eventually.
I never dated again nor did feel any desire to,my very own choice.i lost some friends and relations on the way but they couldnt give me the emotional satisfaction which she and i have.i for sure believe in making someone believe through actions than words.no amount of my telling her would have made her believe that she is the only one in my life but my actions surely did.once we had the real talk,it ended all our insecurities and we developed a stronger bond.the only thing we didnt do was play head games ( which are very common in the A's i read here and imo,head games lead to an end sooner or later).agreed that we had ups and downs but never played with the emotions as they hurt and we wanted nothing but love and happiness.
now i am much older and still feel that nothing requires more honesty than an affair,its ironic! I last had sex about 20 years ago with my gf ( MW), thats a price i have paid but i had a lot in my younger days,a lot but it wasnt worth the emotional satisfaction i have now.do i miss it? not anymore.but if it was to be with her,i would jump for it.
if your SM are sincere,you would know it.they wont play these head games ,you wont need these boards to decode them as they will be pure and simple.i am still on the rollercoaster ride but enjoying now,to say the least.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 1:04pm
I know it's hard for you. I feel badly for you. But I would try my best to just believe what he says unless he acts in a way that makes you believe otherwise. By worrying about it all the time, you are missing out on the happiness that you feel with him. Enjoy every good moment and try not to worry. He loves you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 1:06pm
I am so happy for you. A lot of women wish for what you have. Enjoy it to the fullest. Sounds like he really does love and care for you. That's great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 1:10pm
Thanks for your post. It really helps to have a male POV. I think a lot of us just need confirmation that we aren't alone in this. We like to feel that we are heard and comforted. I have been in my A for almost 3 years and we are closer than we were but not sure it will ever be a real R. He knows how I feel but I am trying not to worry about it and just enjoy what I have. I am very happy for you! You are one of the few success stories on here. I wish you the best.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 2:27pm
Bump
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 5:42pm

Thank you SO much for your point of view.

~Layla~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Thu, 12-10-2009 - 5:51pm

Im

~Layla~