Any singles w/ MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Any singles w/ MM?
5
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 11:15am
As I have posted before I currently have a SO, but we are going through a planned split up right now. We have a house that we purchased together & decided to at least spend the holidays together & then as soon as the house sells, we will go our separate ways. We are kind of planning this will be around the first part of Jan - but it all depends on the house. Anyway, now that you have the background. i am already stsrting to wonder how this will affect me & MM. Right now, we are both in commited relationships outside of ours. I am wondering if he will feel differently about having a relationship w/ me when I am single and free to date other guys. I am also wondering if he will come over to my new place from time to time rather than aways having to meet out at our special place for vehicular sex. I admit it is fun & adventurous to have sex in his truck, but it woyuld be nice to have some more room & a shower. I guess I don't know if he will take the risk of having his truck parked at my house/apartment. Are there any of you ladies who have gone through a transition with your MM where you have gone from being in a committed relationship to being single. Or any of you ladies who ARE single. How is it with your MMs?

Thanks for the advice.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:20pm
Hi Kitty,

I'm single with a MM. I was in a relationship when we met and got out of it not long after. It wasn't necessarily because of the new relationship since X-SO and I had problems for years, but it was a factor. I moved away and was able to spend alot more time w/ MM. I can say it was both good and bad. It was nice being able to be together more freely, but at the same time there were no other distractions so my time alone was and still is extremely difficult. It's just a matter of taking the good with the bad. As long as you continue having a life and doing things for yourself you'll be okay. The important thing is not to put making yourself happy on hold. I did that for a time and it nearly drove me insane.

Another good point you brought up though is how MM might feel with you being single now. He may feel a little threatened by it because now you're "free" to date other guys if you want to. Even though he's still in a committed relationship he's still human and may find himself being jealous at the possibility of you dating.

I hope I've been of some help. Just remember to treat yourself well.

Hugs to you,

Softnstrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 1:31pm
Yes, tahnk you. Any thoughts are a help. Especially from someone who has been through the same pretty unique situation. Thanks for the advice, I will let you all know how it all pans out after the first of the year.

Any other posters with experiences, please feel free to chime in.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 2:26pm
I am single w/ an MM. I was not/am not in a steady dating relationship otherwise. I have been involved w/ MM since May/June. He was not a friend or a coworker prior to our A, I met him on the train. I knew he was M'd from Day One. I have dated casually, but I am in love w/ MM, unfortunately. Now I feel as though I will not be open to other men, and I'm only 23!!! I'm very decent looking and can get my share of guys, but its difficult, I am incredibly picky.

Any suggestions?? He won't leave his W...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 3:46pm
Dani,

Even though I am not yet single (logisticly anyway, emotionally I am) I sympathize with your situation. I DO work w/ my MM (for now), but I always knew he was married - it started as a flirtation, and grew from there. I think it is still hard for both f us to believe we are doing it. We both went into the physical relationship for sex only- to kind of supplement what we were not getting at home. He said his marraige was "perfect" except that his wife never wanted to have sex. I had other problems on top of not getting enough "attention" in my relationship of six years, which felt like a marraige to me. I know my MM will not leave his W & family & I would never ask him to. Plus, I am still young (25) and want to have a family of my own & MM does not want to have any more. Good Luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 11:03pm
Hi, I'm single 22 with a MM 43. I guess it started out as an affair for sex too. I knew he was married and I didn't plan to stay that long, maybe couple months. It's almost a year now and I'm starting to have feelings for him and that's what's making it so hard to leave or to date other men. He's possesive and insanely jealous, always calling me when he can to check up on me, but doesn't like it when I check up on him. And he's always worried about me dating or finding other single guys. He blows up when I mention a guy or someone I met at a party. And since I'm trying to fit into his schedule it's hard to plan my schedule, and I hate that the most. Like he would be busy, and then call me up last minute to see if I'm available to do something. And like the dodo head that I am, I cancel/change my plans to see him since I want more time together. And that's the sad part. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I was married and having an affair or if I have another relationship and this is only my side thing. But right now, the side thing seems like the only thing and main thing...while he has more of a life and a family.

I just want to YELL.... "It's not fair!!!" that we single girls, especially the young ones to have to put up with this. We're like side dish basically, maybe I have to go out and do more stuff. Good luck with all of you, and hopefully a better FISH will come along soon and we can all forget about this.