Any words of advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2008
Any words of advice?
4
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 6:44pm

Well after almost a year of ups and downs, I have drawn my line in the

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 11:27pm

Well, your question is in 2 parts sort of so let me try one at a time...first, I think its SO admiarble that you can put your foot down and say "I want more, and if you can't give it, then I need to do what's right for me" I wish I could do that at times. Now, the first part...do they come back...From my experience, yes, they always do. It seems to be the women in these relationships that are the one's who finally end it for good. You give him an opportunity and he will. Plus, he's never going to change his situation if you are still there for him. You don't know what you've got, til its gone.


Does it ever work out? Over the years, I've read a lot and posted a lot on this board (under another name), and it seems that there is a lot of it NOT working out to be seen here. But, where I work (and affairs seem to be RAMPANT) the exact opposite is the norm. It really depends on you, him, and your individual situations. Anything can work out if two people work for it and want it. The thing is, its so easy to stay in an uncomfortable situation sometimes, that men seem to especially be prone to sitting and sticking it out with a spouse they might even despise. It depends on the man, his age, and his values. I think younger men are so much more apt to leave because its just more normal and acceptable to them than older men who have either a lot invested in their current situation OR they worry about the stigma of it all. I don't think it has any bearing on their feelings for you OR their spouse...I think its that no one likes to be uprooted and uncomfortable.


As for handling the ending, it all depends on what you want the REAL outcome to be. Do you really want to end it or is your goal to have him come back wanting more? Depending on your real wants in this, there are different ways to do it. But, IMHO, no matter which way you choose...if YOU end it and try to move on, he will most likely at least make an attempt to get you back. Its up to you to decide if its worth it or not. You seem to have decided partially that you want to force his hand or walk. If he comes back, think about what you want to do then. The rules will have to be

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 8:49am

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:50pm

Hi,


I have read over what you wrote and being in a similar place right now, I just want to let you know that you are being very strong and mature in letting him know what you want. That takes a lot! Stick to it and be strong...as to your questions, I am sorry I have no idea what will happen, they are some of the same questions I have. Let me know what happens!


Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2008
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 6:18pm

Thanks!