Any words of wisdom for me?
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Any words of wisdom for me?
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 8:40pm |
Does anyone out there with experience in these matters have any advice for me? I am 50 years old, married to my husband for 5 years. He is a wonderful man and I love him very much but there is a problem in our relationship. No sex since the first year. He has psychological issues from childhood and fear of intimacy problems. We have tried psychotherapy, hypnosis, couples and sex thearpy with no improvement. I finally resigned myself to just live with it and be content that everything else about the relationship is great. I was doing a fair job of being "content" until recently. An old lover from the past suddenly reappeared in my life. He is newly divorced and was in need of a "friend". Well things went as you might imagine and soon old feelings came flooding back for both of us. I now find myself in the middle of an extramarital affair and having all the feelings and fears that go with it. I never believed it was possible before but I am totally in love with both these men. Right now I am very happy, but I live in fear of the pain that could be waiting just around the corner. I couldn't stad to lose either one of them. Anyone have any sage words of wisdom for me?

hi twolovesnow -- oh honey, do i have words of wisdom!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
It is hard to live with that type of relationship, I know, I feel like my H is more like my brother (or son) than a H. Our sex life is practically non-existent because of his drinking problem.
It's a tough decision, do you keep on what you're doing or try to change things? For me, I'm keeping on how I am now, living with H, have MM on the side for my needs. But I won't be doing it this way forever. Sooner or later I want a total relationship for myself to include intimacy as well as companionship. I guess you have to decide what's right for you.
Right now for me, the parts complete the whole. I am happy with things, and do not feel guilty for what I am doing. If you are feeling guilty, maybe you should discuss with H, what's his expectations from you sexually and what he is willing to allow you, i.e. open marriage, if he is unable/unwilling to give you what you need.
I know, easier said than done. And I would say the same to my H if there were not the slightest chance of him changing. But he is still young, and hope springs eternal. Take care,
Dusty