Anybody Religious?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Anybody Religious?
45
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 11:19pm
Religion was one particular reason that stopped me from taking my emotional affair to any other level. I mean I could micro-analyze my marriage and come up with reasons to justify cheating to my own self but could not justify it to God. I am supposed to “guard my modesty” in relation to my husband and I couldn’t bring myself to break that decree. I and MM belong to different faiths but for him it was the religious reason too that held him back. I and MM could generate heat in excess of couple of hundred degrees ..lol.. but it’s the religion besides our idiosyncratic personalities that wouldn’t let us do it.

I am curious to know how other board members (who consider themselves actively religious) handle the religious aspect that considers adultery a serious sin. Do you feel like a sinner and think that other areas of your life might be getting affected by the adultery act (they say people get punished in this world too besides in the other world)? Do you feel that your prayers work?

PG

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 7:56am
I have struggled with this myself, phillygirl. I consider myself a Christian and yet I am involved in an A. But, my H broke his vows a long time ago when he started mentally and emotionally abusing me and the children. I'm not having an A to "get back" at him. When I met MM, I met him as friends, with no intention of it going as far as it has. I have completely lost my heart to MM. I think it was because I didn't have that love in my heart when I became involved with MM....it was easy to allow another man into my life. I'm not justifying anything, but I needed love and companionship and friendship, and my MM provides these. All my H provides me with is sadness and heartache (and sometimes, quite honestly, fright). But, I'm investigating filing for D and it's tearing me up. I'm doing this for me and the kids. My MM is still married, but separated, and he knows I don't expect anything from him. I have to get things straightened out for my new "little family" and then hopefully build an even better relationship with MM.

I pray a lot about the decisions I make...hoping God understands. I know He's probably disappointed in me, but I don't think He'd want me to continue in an abusive relationship with someone who obviously doesn't love or respect me....not when there is a man who is there for me emotionally and cares, respects and adores me (his words, not mine - LOL).

It's a very delicate line. Thanks for bringing up the topic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:22am
I consider myself a christian and it makes it very difficult to have an affair and not think about how God is watching. I pray almost daily for God to give me the strength to end the affair, but I know he gives us free will and I should end it on my own. Even though I ask for forgiveness, I keep on sinning. I realize that I will have to answer for my behavior one day and that scares me. There is no getting around the fact that adultery is a sin and God does not approve. Guess that makes me a hypocrite. We are only human (not an excuse). If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have done it. It goes against my beliefs and I feel guilty about it every day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:46am
I do consider myself a religious person. And for the longest time I was so miserable in my "perfect married life". But religious or not... something has to give eventually. I have a lot of regrets now, sure. And I am sure the guilt will always be a constant reminder, but if you can justify, i.e. forgive and ask for forgiveness, isn't all forgiven?

However, on to your next question, I think that your infedelity can rule other aspects and outlooks of your life. Everything seems to be a bit of a mess here lately.

Best of luck, Lauren
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:02am
I am also consider myself a Christian. The hardest part about my A so far was watching The Passion movie. Watching what Jesus went through to atone for my sin. Knowing that as I am sitting there, sinning everyday. I have no excuse for my sin. I did put it off for a long time. But then eventually life happened, and the temptation was too strong. OM and I have broken our relationship off a lot, because we both have conviction.

However, take heart. All those who are Christians, even though it is a sin, God still loves us. And I hold my faith in that. As for punishment in this life. I don't agree with that...but I really don't want to go into a religious debate.

I love you all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:20am
It’s definitely heartening to know that for others religion could be a factor while considering an affair.

Lauren, I agree with you in the sense that when the tone of my affair took a twist without anything physical happening yet, I could see some unexplained miseries happening with my prayers not working :) I usually have a pretty good rapport with God :) so those things were pretty much a surprise and I had to put speed breaks on my intentions.

One thing that I have realized is that the roller coaster feelings of euphoria and distress could be a direct effect of God's system (the distress part being a punishment). Who knows :)

PG


PS. I hope abideth’s comments doesn’t affect others from not sharing their religious views.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:37am
I agree somewhat with Abideth, but I wouldn't have been quite so harsh with my words. LOL. I think that most people these days don't want to take responsibility for their actions. It is so much easier to blame someone else for your faults instead of looking at youself. Whether or not you believe in God, I believe we all still have a sense of right and wrong and I think most people would agree that having an affair is wrong. Don't get me wrong, i am not judging anyone, I am the first to admit that what I am doing is wrong and that I am weak. Just remember, that God loves you all, no matter what. Have a great day everyone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:42am
This is an issue that continutes to be in my mind all of the time! I was raised in church, went to Christian schools, and am very involved in our church right now. This A goes against everything I believe, and know to be right. Despite that, I keep making the conscious decision to meet the OM (who also shares these concerns) and know that this is something that I am just going to have to deal with. We make decisions every day and then we must learn to live with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:06am
"Do you feel like a sinner and think that other areas of your life might be getting affected by the adultery act (they say people get punished in this world too besides in the other world)? Do you feel that your prayers work?"

The answer lies in your own faith- for most tho I believe it is Christian. When Jesus faces the woman caught in adultery he only extended forgiveness, no stones were thrown. He did not forgive her only if she never committed adultery again. Forgiveness for Christians is free and there are no pre-conditions to be met. "For it is by grace you are saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast." God does not punish us- we punish ourselves, thus free will. If you choose to live without sin then you expereince a life of freedom. Freedom from sin versus those who choose to make themselves slaves to it. I think of it this way- a life of sin such as adultery usually leads to many other sins such as lying to cover up, using resources unwisely, etc. We end up stretching ourselves thin to live in a life of sin- we punish ourselves through our choice to live in this life of sin. We experience freedom when we ask God for forgiveness and then leave our life of sin. But for Christians- this is important- there is only ONE unforgiveable sin that can keep you out of Heaven. Thus the very true nature of forgiveness being FREEDOM.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:15am
First of all, I am not posting here to get you approval. Secondly, I am not "blowing" my boss. You do not know who I am or the difficult decisions I am making. Just as I know nothing about you. Nor do I really care to. I know who my friends and supporters are here on this board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:20am
Chris, I do agree with you. I do take responsibility for my actions. I didn't start this A and then marital problems began. They've been going on for some time. I don't think God wants people to stay with someone when one has broken vows. We both broke our vows, and I blame him for his contribution and I blame myself for my contribution. But I am getting out. I pray about the decision and I am doing it for myself and my children. I have to keep my sanity. Your opinion was well received and fair. Thank you for your input...I do appreciate it. (((HUGS)))

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