Anyone else actually having fun?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2009
Anyone else actually having fun?
24
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 10:48am
So, I have been reading all the posts, and believe me, ladies (and men) I do feel your pain. I am new to this ride, but I can imagine that at times, it does get painful. But I'm just wondering.....is anyone else out there, whether in the early stages of an A, or in a long term A, having fun with their AP? I mean, forgive me if I sound callous, but.....isn't fun the whole point of an A?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:19am
Me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:21am

Hi Attagirl,


I am!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:30am

to answer your question yes and no...it depends on why you got into the A to begin with....


in my case..no the point was not fun...XAP and i started off as pals, not for fun but just because we had a lot in common...i admired and looked up to him and who he is....we did not have our sights set on being romantically involved with one another...at all..well at least i didn't....we started to become very fond of one another and grew to love each other..all the while falling in love as well...the more we knew of one another the more we found we got along and have a lot in common and wanted to be around each other more...enter my DS...into the relationship..the bond between XAP and I grew stronger and i had no idea that a relationship between him and DS would grow as strong...with my teenage DS never judging either one of us...just looking at each of us with an unbiased eye...we all, the three of us, love each other so much it hurts to the core....XAP and i cant be together because it's too deep...but he and DS can still have their relationship and at this point, to me that's more important...my DS looks up to and admires him, and he loves him as much as i do....XAP has said to me on more than one occasion he would marry me in a heartbeat and wishes he had of met me a long long time ago....he also has told me he knows i would marry him..kind of egotistical for him to say but yes, if he wasn't already M, i would....AP issue is his attention is divided..he can't give me what i need right now..and probably never will be able to....(i don't mean to jockey the post with my issue but i'm giving one example of why an a can come about)


some people get into affairs to take stress off of their already failing M's.....or to get some relief of being in an already stressful M.....some get into it for the XES only...some to spice up their lives...


i did not get into it because of that..and have never been involved in this type of situation....neither has he...two people with a lot in common..bound together by love, nothing, anything and everything....


hope that helps


oh btw..yes no matter why how or with whom you get into the A...it is always an emotional rollercoaster riddled with ups and downs

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:32am
I have a lot of fun with my AP.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:33am

The whole point of an A to have fun?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:34am
you guys have been together 8 months..which isn't that long for an A...once your feelings start to grow your view of the a and what it's worth may change drastically...trust me....that roller coaster ride will start to quicken it's pace...just be careful...enjoy it while you can and try to remember what makes you happy in the A.....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 11:57am

Thanks for that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 12:47pm
I dont know if i would call it fun. I will say at certain times comfort, smiles, a person in my life who i can trust and confide in, he is smart, sweet, omg sexy, i enjoy him. We never let our time get in the way of our married lives. We will never leave our spouses. We take and enjoy our time for what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 12:49pm

you are welcome..in my instance..i have guilt all over because i've formed a bond with another woman's husband..a bond that i know she doesn't and will never have with him...that in itself hurts....something he should be sharing with her but, cannot...but he's stuck in his marriage...because he loves her, because he's comfortable with his life, because he cares about his daughter, because he's afraid of what others will think of him if he leaves, because because because....but, he loves me too, he's in love with me...he shares a bond with me....that's why he has to have his time and space..well in my opinion....i'm glad he stirred the pot kind of...


and to reply more to this thread...it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt...just think about that..then it gets harder and harder and harder

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Tue, 01-20-2009 - 1:11pm

hi, well Been in my A for 18 months, we are both M with children. We have exchanged ILY's. for us its not fun as such but a longing to spend time together, to enjoy each others company, to feel those little flutters in your tummy when you know you will be seeing them. Affairs should not be just for fun, why risk everything just for a bit of fun, that is just my opinion.


I have never had any issues concerning my ap, he calls, he is attentive, he makes me feel wanted and needed and when we are together its magical. We both stated that we didnt want to leave our spouses, but our emotiions and ideas are changing. we are moving forward together and we seem to turn the pages at the same time.


Who knows what the future holds, i am no longer in love with my H, and he states he is no longer in love with his W. but we have children in the mix and therefore i dont ask anything of him and he doesnt of me. I dont worry or question our feelings for each other, and he never makes me question why he doesnt call, or why i havnt heard from him as he is always open with me and in constant contact. (if anything he always says that he hates it when im in meetings and he doesnt hear from me in a while)


I dont have expectations (he does say he dreams of us being together), but i beleive we are happy because we accept it for what it is, and if the future means that we can be together then we will work on that when the time is right for both of us.


love him to bits, and yes i know he loves me, acceptance is of big importance in a A and i beleive once you can do that then you can enjoy it.


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


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