Anyone else ever think this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Anyone else ever think this?
7
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 7:33pm
Has anyone else in an A ever wished their H would have an A and ask for a D? Is this too nuts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 7:49pm
oh ye, it would make things alot easier...I would be free at last. Not worrying if i would get caught, going to see MM without having to lie and make excuses.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-17-2003 - 7:52pm
From time to time, some of us start having unusual thoughts. Creating scenarios that would make everything easier, or free us to be with our MMs or OMs. Sometimes this seems just as much a fantasy as having a normal relationship with the MM or OM. If H had an affair, it would put you more on equal ground with him, maybe relieve some guilt. He has his, you have yours, you get divorced and voila! You get to be with the man of your dreams. Even if that were the case, it wouldn't be that simple, somehow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 7:24am
No, minnimac, you're not nuts. LOL I think it's a fantasy all of us, at one time or another, entertain. It would make it easier on us. We wouldn't be the bad guy. Or, at least, not the only bad guy!!

I know the hardest part about my dissolving marriage is that I steadfastly REFUSE to bring OM into this, because he's got a g/f, we work together (which, btw, isn't against any company policy for us to be together since we're at the same level of management, but it would still be wierd for others to know), etc. OM didn't sign on for any of that when he took up with me.

So that means I have to be honest to H about not loving him anymore, not being attracted to him anymore and other hurtful truths. It would be easier for us both - and save H a tremendous amount of pain, while allowing him to be the injured party and have others help him through his pain - if I could just toss up my hands and say I'm a b!tch, I'm having an affair, let me out of this.

Doing that is taking an awful lot of strength and determination. There's always the possibility I could cave and not walk, although I doubt it. But doing what I'm doing - being honest about the M and not telling about the A - is damned hard. It's the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It would be so much easier if he had someone else, too, and we could just agree to split.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 12:00pm
you know I was thinking over the weekend how many of us talk with our OM about the what ifs. I was actually going to ask a question very similiar to yours. I have so many different thoughts going thru my head of our next meeting, etc. I have thought about your way also, except my H is too lazy to have an A. Anyway, I do try to stay in check by telling myself that I really only see the good things about OM - what if I was actually with him 24 hours a day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 6:17pm
I've thought about this over and over...it seems like it would be so much simpler it it would happen. But I know it won't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 08-18-2003 - 9:44pm
!


Edited 9/22/2003 2:03:19 AM ET by lexylew
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 8:53am
Hi Lucky

So many things you wrote are true for my situation. I, too, will never bring my OM into it. (He is single and we have a monogamous R.) Too many people know both of us - including several of his co-workers, Even though I know I should be honest with H about not loving him, etc., it would be very difficult for me to manage on my own economically. This probably sounds very strange, but we're w/in 10 years of retirement (EMAs have no age limits, I guess (nor do intense feelings)). And so I stay and have no physical contact w/H - we share a house and I'm civil, fix meals, do laundry, etc. and work part time. Believe me, I know what you mean about strength and determination and right now, I don't have them. I admire your strength and wish you the best. I'd appreciate any other thoughts you might have. Thank you so much for your very understanding reply.

Minni