Is anyone else "happy" with their H?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Is anyone else "happy" with their H?
13
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:54am
I need some perspective from all the wise souls out there. Just trying to figure out why I am doing what I am doing...

I have wonderful husband. Handsome, sexy, succesful, charismatic, charming -- worships me and the ground I walk on. Great father to our two beautiful children. He absolutely adores me. Our sex life is satisfying, too much so if anything, H can't keep his hands off me for the most part.

But...He works alot. Travels alot. There is a subtle underlying superior attitude and thus discreet criticism in a lot of the things he says...but not like there is anything "wrong" with my marriage. It is better than most.

Maybe it was turning 36 (somehow so much harder than 35), maybe it is that he travels so much and I feel stranded and isolated because of it but here I am obsessing over a 29 year old sexy young man. We have spent one night together (that was out of this world amazing)and I am hoping that there will be more. I feel like I am acting this way because I just so needed and wanted to be SELFISH for a change. Everything I do and everything I am is about my family -- wife, mother, mini-van driving suburban soccer mom.

So many of the postings and stories I have read here describe bad marriage. Are there others out there who really are in good relationships but have for one reason or another decided that you needed more (have your cake and eat it too...). That is how I feel. I would never ever ever dream of leaving my husband. If he ever found out it would be the end of the world. But I just want something different, new, fun, exciting in my life. Something that is entirely about ME and no one else.

I would love to hear from others out there. I need help trying to gain some perspective on what I am doing...thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 4:29pm
I can totally relate. My H is wonderful, or should I say, was wonderful, until he made work and his family (parents) a priority above me. I rarely see him during the week, and on weekends, when he's not working, he is doing things for his parents, who are manipulative and try to keep him away from me as much as possible. Anyway, I am hoping that things change, but I don't know...H won't go to counseling, and I am obviously on this board for a reason, so who knows...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:36pm
I can not tell you how horrible this is. I have three adorable small children, a wonderful husband, who has NO idea. I have been off and on involved with the OM for the past six years. He is my first thought every morning and my last every night. I miss him everyday and think about him all the time. I have no IDEA why I continue to communicate with him. He lives several states away so I don't see him much. He is single and tells me all the time he wants to be together. He would move here etc. etc. One of the most horrible things that I do is tell him what he wants to hear about me leaving. It's so unfair for me to continue to give him hope. I know I am being selfish, but I also know that I care so much about him. The main reason I don't leave is for the kids. I also don't want to go through a divorce. I try to tell myself over and over that I would really have a hard time if I were with him because of the kids. How many boyfriends are going to deal with three small kids that aren't thiers? He asures me that he can handle it etc. I have never been so sad and so depressed. It's horrible. I find it very hard to enjoy any intamacy with my husband. I am not into him in that way at all. He gets mad but doesn't really harp on me about it. I am considering cutting the OM off in the next few months. It kills me to even think about it. I am just so confused about what to do. I don't want to hurt the H and the family. If I did leave I would have NC for a while and keep it long distance for a while. However, I just keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason and maybe there is some reason that I didn't end up with him. It's just so sad and draining.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 6:08pm
Hi!

I'm on the same boat. I have been in my EMA for a year now and I am in love with my MM. However, I've got a great marriage too where my H and I are the best of friends. Sometimes I sit there and wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I've come to the conclusion that it all comes down to not being in love with my H. We have established such a great relationship that I view it as nothing but a great friendship to an absolutely wonderful man. I honestly don't know if I could ever leave my M since it is so good even if the intense "love" isn't there.

Thanks for your post. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that think that I'm nuts for having a great guy and feeling that it still isn't enough.

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