Is anyone else struggling with alcohol/food?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2011
Is anyone else struggling with alcohol/food?
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 8:20pm

Hi,  I'm back, looking for support.  Whenever I feel jilted or lonely, I comfort myself with alcohol/and/ or food.  I'm guessing that I don't want to "feel" the emotions that I have.  I know he loves me, but I feel like he doesn't show me as much as I would like.  I must be really needy.  He's a wonderful man,  but we have tempermants.

I have been waitng and waiting for an email today.  He knows that I am alone.  He knows that it's a great time to meet. We had talked about meeting today.  My H and his W are both out of town. Sometimes, he avoids me, I believe.  He knows I'll always be here.  I always have been, but I need more from him emotionally.  I've told him this and he seems to really understand  and "feel bad" when I've told him this.  I

I try to be strong.  I don't want to play silly games, but yet I hate to feel so needy.

This is one of those nights that I'm "comforting" myself with a bottle of wine.  I know it's not healthy, but I find myself doing it a lot.  I don;'t want to, mainly because of the way I feel the next day.  I'm trying to loose weight and I get the munchies big time when I drink.  I've tried to ocupy myself in other ways, but nothing has worked.  I'm not sure how to cope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 10-31-2012 - 10:18pm

Hi Mistery

I don't post on this Board these days, although I use to many many years ago...but I still read, and since ivillage did a big switch over and has been experiencing glitches with people getting in to post...and because no one responded, I will :)

Have you ever considered counseling...and I am totally not being snarky. Your coping skills are not healthy.  Drinking when we are depressed only makes us feel more depressed because alcohol is a depressant.  And if you eat when you are depressed, and are trying to lose weight, but you are drinking, and it makes you eat...well, that's no good because it is sabotaging your good efforts.

I had pretty lousy coping skills myself and used various drugs and alcohol and food to numb and comfort myself against the feelings, too.  Once I started therapy, and learned what made me tick...what motivated me, I was able to begin to recognize situations that tended to drive me to self-medicate...and then learn to avoid them or cope with them in a healthier fashion.

You got a viscious cycle going on here.  An a affair, maybe to cope with real life, and now you are self-medicating to cope with your affair and then medicating against the bad feelings of not be able to stick with the's a scary cycle.

I hope you will think about it so you will feel better.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 1:31am

Oh I do the same. Always trying to lose that last ten pounds and always sabotaging it with chocolate, comfort food, or wine. I drink wine a lot. It seems to help me get through until the next high. The next high being my work day (I love my job and consider work a welcome haven from my life), or the next gathering with friends, or the next time I can talk to or see AP.  Before AP it was just to get me to the next good time. Good times then consisted mostly of the next opportunity to drink wine or eat. :( how sad.

I will say that it strikes me as odd that you both had spouses out of town and he didn't take that opportunity. That seems extremely bizarre. Are you sure that he's what you really need on the side? I don't mean to be so blunt as to be rude, I'm just trying to understand and help.  That just seems like the perfect opportunity and why would he pass that up? Unless his kids or something need him. I don't have much experience with A's, so take this question with a grain of salt. But why would you spend time fretting over someone who could feasibly see you and didn't make the move?

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 3:06pm

Hi Mistery ~ I do struggle sometimes w/food and prescription drugs.  I am on an antidepressent, which is one a day and have been on some for panic attack and pain pills.  I have an addictive personality, and thankfully, when all is gone, it is gone.  But they are a crutch for me.  An escape from my reality, like my A. 

I am sure that he loves you, and it is hard not to be needy, when you want and need more than you are getting.  Instead of food or alcohol, maybe a good movie or book, or find something you like to do.  Apparently, you are aware of how you are and your triggers.  Try your best to avoid them from the get go.  I know it is hard, but A's aren't usually easy.  There are feelings and emotions that we don't share, even with our AP's. 

I hope that things get better for you.  Smile


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