Anyone far more attractive than MM's W?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Anyone far more attractive than MM's W?
26
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 6:41pm
..And how does it affect the dynamic of your relationship?

I have had the opportunity to meet and hang out with MM's wife on several occasions. Now, I'm being extremely mean here (I'm NOT like this in real life), but she's definitely not the most attractive person in the world. Overweight despite never having kids, a not-so-pretty face, strange body shape, shorter not so great hair. I'm not a model, but I've stayed lean my whole life, nice hair, pretty good looking. I've been told my butt is ideal. :)

However, MM's wife is the NICEST person in the world. Very much of a sweetheart. She does everything for MM.

I'm a pretty nice woman, too, but I'd never wait on him hand and foot quite like she does. So I feel pretty rotten about that. But at the same time, I really can't blame MM for seeking some lovin' outside his marriage.

For me, it makes it so I really have NO jealousy about MM's wife at all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:10pm
Also, MM's wife is the same age as me, and MM is only 3 years older than me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:46pm
You have to remember that looks aren't everything. There are those of us who are just average looking, whose MM's have georgeous wives, but maybe those georgeous wives are so inlove with themselves that they don't as you say wait on their man hand and foot, don't cater to his needs,etc. Hence, they have an affair with an average looking woman who puts HIM above herself. In your MM's case, he probably sees you as a tremendous ego boost to his own male ego, not necessairly not forgetting his wife is the one who still caters to his every need. In my case my Mm's wife and I are both average, so, I guess in your case, he just likes having an attractive woman he can dream about. Oh, and sweetness goes a long way, I think anyway, a lot more than self-centeredness.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 7:48pm
My MM wifes is heavy, does not wear make up, does not dress sexy, or professional jeans or capris all the time, never home always with her family never cooks for him, hates watching sports with him and is very BASI sexually, she is a hispanic women who has very strong sexual do's and dont's. When she was pregnant with both kids she moved in with her family left MM home for 7 months each time. I am the complete opposite, love to wear heels and skirts, very sexual very affectionate, love to snuggle. No idea why he stays, he claims she will take everything from him, at this point she can have it all including him
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:06pm
I do agree that looks definitely are not everything. His wife is a sweetheart, so that's why she's his wife. And I definitely agree that the OPPOSITE can and I'm sure often does happen, where a man has a "trophy" wife, but wants a little loving attention that somebody who maybe isn't as good looking can give him.

I think we tend to look for qualities that we are missing in a R with the other person. I will have kinky sex, while he says his wife would never even think to give him a BJ. But she will cook and clean and iron his clothes for him each an every day. I wouldn't do that unless he made a lot more money than me so I could focus less on my career.

Sometimes, I think it would be nice if we could just all get along! I often think it sure would be nice to have a wife, LOL. I don't get jealous of her at all, but of course I would never expect her to be happy with me in his life. Not that polygamy is the answer, LOL, because then I'd want to be with another man, too. Which is funny, because my H is a very handy, fix-it kind of guy, where MM is not. I guess that is what we have, though everything is secret.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:07pm
A person doesn't have to be good-looking for someone to love them. Otherwise there would be only handsome men and beautiful women getting married.

He probably couldn't do without his wife. He probably is blind to the way she looks and sees her as beautiful. He really has a bond to her.

With you, it would only be a sexual adventure. He may say he is in love with you, but 'being in love' doesn't last. The euphoria goes with time. Another woman might come along to replace you before you want to be replaced.

In the end, you will only be second best and someone to be used for his pleasure and time. He will lose nothing, you will do all the sacrificing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:51pm
You are stereotyping.

You make it sound like an either-or proposition. If you are good-looking, you cannot be a nice, smart, compassionate person. I merely said I would not wait on him hand-and-foot like she does. However, he and I can talk about politics, work, TV shows and movies he says his wife "doesn't get", among many other things. I've helped him through some terrible times this last month, listening to all his problems and helping him see the light past them. Our relationship most definitely is not limited to just sex.

I know I sound very conceited in my post saying that I'm a lot better looking than his W. But that's only because this is a message board. I'd never remotely say anything like that in real life. I'm hashing out my most intimate feelings that I could never share with real-life friends.

I wanted to find out if others were in the same position. I wanted to know how it affected the dynamic of the relaitonship. I noticed a lot of people on here seem jealous of the time their MM spends with his W. I have almost zero jealousy about her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 12:46am
My MM's W is actually very pretty. But as they say, pretty is as pretty does. As far as a wife goes, she is lousy at best. Her main number one priority is herself, and she couldn't give a #$%@ about how her actions affect him or their M. Thus, his involvement with me (and to some extent, vice-versa). My H is not a bad looking guy, but 'handsome is as handsome does.' If my H had not been so selfish throughout our M, it would have made a major difference in our R, and perhaps his W would not have sought comfort in the arms of another man. Not fully blaming him as I do take responsibility for my own weakness and actions. But there are definitely some parallels here.

I myself am not bad looking, and my MM tells me that I'm pretty/beautiful, which is nice to hear. But I must admit to feeling jealous on occasion. Jealous more in the fact that she gets to sleep with him every night, jealous that she gets to spend time with him, jealous that she's the one who is M to him and had his children. (yes as hokey as it sounds, I would have loved to have had his babies, haha). But that's part of the package I guess that comes from being involved in an affair. What I do get from him is wonderful, and emotionally fulfilling and something I don't get from my needy H. Just my thoughts...good thread MSG9, it certainly makes one think.

Virgogirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 1:46am
don't know...only seen her in a photo taken on their wedding day and hey she looked pretty but under the circumstances....

From what he has told me this is what I invision:

she's taller than me by about 6" we have the same hair color but hers is longer than mine -

She's thin, smaller boobs than me, big butt (bigger than mine)-

Well that's about all I can invision...thankfully LOL

Kikki



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 2:03am
ohh and about the "dynamics" part of your question...

of course it affects things -

I tell him that I sometimes want a thank you card from her for all the times I have reversed his bad mood...

or calmed him down when she's set him off

I get jealous sometimes...when she has him there all the time

It effects us in ways because she will call and he will have to go - or it puts a little pause in an otherwise pleasant afternoon, evening or what-have-ya

She once crashed her car while we were out...she was fine -

But he began yelling at her and I put a stop to that right away -

So it effects things at times -- I explain to him how women work and he thanks me for it usually - but for the most part I try to keep that part of his life seperate

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 8:00am
I've only seen one picture of MM's W...a wedding picture and she was quite pretty as well. She's taller than me, a bit on the thin side, but attractive none-the-less. I'm shorter, curvier and love to cuddle with MM (which he says she just wouldn't do anymore). He apparently likes me for who I am...which is a good thing. His W and I are two different people with two different personalities....which attracted him to both of us at different times. I'm very affectionate toward him as well, which he says was quite lacking during his M.

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