Anyone with first hand experience?
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Anyone with first hand experience?
| Tue, 09-09-2003 - 1:59pm |
I need some advice...found out yesterday that my OM, whom I love and who is in love with me is going to be a father...his gf is PG...im not handling it very well and I need to know if anyone out there has dealt with this first hand and can tell me how I expect this to play out...
Liberal

i wish i had some advice for you... that's a really tough spot for you and OM... i hope there are some others who will have some good advice for you who have been through it... i guess all i can say is that mistakes happen and OM is probably really freaked about this (i know i would be if i was in that situation)... so as hard as it might be just try to be there for what ever he might need....
opus
OM is engaged and has a DD who is 11 from a previous relationship - he has full custody of her and raises her with his fiance. I am married with no intention of leaving my DH. He is everything I could want in a husband and then some and realistically speaking there's no way OM could ever be what DH is to me in terms of a full-time relationship. Im not certain how OM feels and if I were to become single Im assuming he would expect me with him full-time but he's aware of my stance on the matter and he knows as well as I do that we wouldnt be good for one another on a fulltime basis, our personalities/preferences/priorities are extremely different.
Im dealing but it's gonna be a long year as we both adjust to this. Although it's his life, not mine it's destine to have an impact on us...time will tell...
I have decided to ask him straight out and promise to only bring it up one time whether he wishes to continue with me or if he'd like to take this chance to try to make things real with his fiance since they do have a child on the way now...I need to do that for myself so that I feel better staying in the situation. I want to know he still wants me there for him...I was sure to tell him I loved him before I hung up when he gave me the news - I dont want him to think im angry, disappointed or bitter with him about this - these things happen - just better her than me because I wouldnt have a clue whose it was...wouldnt that be lovely! UGH!
Liberal
It hasn't happened yet but I'm sure it will. And then I'll just...deal with it. I'm sure it will be easier for me than for you, because it won't change their relationship to add another kid to the mix on top of the ones they've already got, while this is your OM's first with his fiance. That will definitely make a big difference. If you have kids yourself, you know what I mean. If you don't. . . you'll see soon enough.
I wish you the best and only you can decide what to do everyones situation is different. Now unlike you im single I have nothing to loose. You have a husband who seems to be great. You should talk to your OM see what he thinks - if he thinks things will change once the baby comes?? I did I was scared and he promised me they would not he knew what he felt for me - even though in the back of my mind I did not believe him - he was right they have not changed just gotten better. If you care for your OM be there and be supportive whether you stay in an A or not.
If it's one reply I get to today... it's yours. Honey... I've sort of been there and also in the reversed situation of me being pregnant. I know your situation reasonably well and I think we are a little on par... in relation to keeping our marriages.
First things first... you need to decide what you want... I will make reference to my pregnancy rather that MM's wife as that was early on in our relationship... mine was but less than two years ago. My pregnancy was no surprise... it was planned... but I had not told MM... when I finally fell pregnant... my biggest fear was whether he would still want what we had. I made my decision first... I knew I wanted to continue regardless and then took the step to telling him and leaving the decision in his hands. He told me right then and there that it was 'our' decision to make... to which I told him I had made mine... he then told me there was nothing to worry about.
All I can say to you... is talk it through... it will take some adjustments... probably more so for him than you... but it really doesn't mean that things have to change... it's just another hill to climb in your relationship.
I'm a little rushed today... so I do so hope that I've made some sense... but hon... feel free to email if you want to talk it through.
luv and hugs
Sweet
sweetc_@hotmail.com (careful of that underscore)
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My