anyone happy just being the other woman?
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| Mon, 04-27-2009 - 11:07am |
Been reading alot of posts, and everyone seems to be having such angst. This leads me to wonder, is there anyone on this board or do you think there is anyone in the world happy to just be the OW??? I don't mean to be facetious, I am at the point in my A where I think I have to come to grips with the fact he is never going to leave his 40 yr marriage and if i still want him in my life, i will have to give up on marrying him someday ( i am separated, soon to be divorced, not sure i even want to marry anyone ever again!) and just have fun with him. At this point, although i am going through my own angst with his issues, the pleasure i get from our relationship still outweighs that. In my heart i know i deserve more from someone, but we have been friends above all else for 20 years and there is no one I'd rather spend time with, and he feels the same. My kids love him, he adores them, he cares much more about their lives and our daily minutia (sp?) than my husband-why can't it just be fun and light?
He is going to therapy to try and help him break through the problem he is having leaving the wife and today we are

Hi Joan-
I can only respond via my experience but as it stands at this moment-my AP and I are on an even playing field. We're both married & are in exact same situations, so at this point there is no bone of contention with where we stand in each others' lives.
BUT...
If that were to change-& I expect it too-but not for a long while...& i was apart from my H but my AP was still unable to find a way out of his M-then NO...at least not for very long, would I be happy about my new standing (or lack there-of) as the OW.
I have had other brief affairs where it was just a PA-then I didn't care about the OW title, because I wanted nothing more from them.
So I guess then it comes down to what this AP means to you & if you are considering a long-term R with them. I can't imagine that someone who has fallen in love with their AP likes to be relegated down to "other-" anything!
Just my 2-cents...
Starsong
I can honestly say I am happy as the OW.
Joan,
I'm not in your situation. We are both M and no one is leaving. If i were S and he were M, I can't imagine being happy in that. I can't imagine being happy to wait. However,
- there are some for whom the waiting was worth it. Not a happy time, but worth it.
- there are many who have waited unhappily to be disappointed in the end.
- there are a few who are not waiting and understand that this relationship will always be unequal.
The most important thing you said was "the pleasure i get from our relationship still outweighs (the issues)". and it sounds like that is what makes it worth continuing. it is up to you to determine which day the balance shifts and when you need to pursue your life as a single available woman.
As a side story, i do have an acquaintance who i thought was living with her boyfriend of 15 years - only to find out he is married to someone else. she has 4 children, their father is around, there is no secret that the "stepfather" is married and his wife will not divorce him. ever. they are not hippies or artists or indigents. they have great jobs and a vacation home and a white picket fence. she is financially independent but loves his company and he loves her children so they openly live this way. i think everyone has forgotten he is married - their relationship doesn't seem like an affair.
it's an option we don't often discuss here, but you may want to think about how that would work in your community.
Mrs.