Anyone Single and told AP they are gonna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Anyone Single and told AP they are gonna
20
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:39pm

Hhhuuuuummmmm, I am single and seeing MM - he is long time ex who married and then we met up - very long story so won't bore you with it !


We are at the stage in A ( seeing each other 11 months) where it's time for action, he has never lied to me about his marraige, they are like room mates, no passion etc but he feels really guilty at devastating her and he has a business that is sooo tied up to their house, life etc... would be a whole pile of mess to unravel. Anyway he said he is scared to jump in case we don't work out, sayes he will have all the devastation and financial ruin whilst I would just get closure...... So I have said I am not asking for a decision but that to live a life I must take off the NO VACANCY sign and explore other opportunities.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 5:01pm

I just wanted to say how brave you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 5:17pm

Hi there -


Just wanted to say that your post took me back a couple years to when I had finally hit my max with my then/AP - and I finally told him - I love you forever - and I know you love me too - however, if you can't leave your M - then I have to pick myself up and start taking care of ME!!

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 6:20pm

you are doing what's right for you.

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 6:23pm
TGR i don't know why when you responded to me i didn't get it...but i'm reading your response and i get it...thank you for replying to the original poster...i needed to hear this..as i'm sure she did....although i may not want to move forward, i have to....my son's been watching me cry everyday when i get home from work and he doesn't know what to do...you know how they are...kwim...especially when they are protective of you...but, i promise you i am going to start taking care of me more...thank you for that TGR....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 01-21-2009 - 11:01pm

You are getting there sweetie - just keep putting one foot in front of the other - and stay strong.


You deserve to be happy - and I know you want it to be with him - but it's possible that will never be - so you have to live NOW - and take care of yourself.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 3:04am

I tried that dating others thing, it didn't work out for me. I just like you am S w/ a MM. I told him that I was going to start seeing other people, and like your AP, he was not happy, but recognized that it was unfair to expect me to sit around waiting for him to throw me some crumbs.

Well, I never imagined how difficult it would be to sit there, and try to pretend that I wanted to get to know this guy, when ALL I could think about was AP. I really tried, but I can't do it. BUT AP still thinks I am, and it is really working in my favor, (or at least that's how it appears.) I appreciate what tgr says about honesty being important, but drastic times call for drastic measures. Feel me? I have to say that he asks me a lot about my dates, and how they are going, so I know that it bothers him. I have assured AP (and maybe I shouldn't have) that I would not be having sex w/ anyone (but him) until April 1st. At that time if he doesn't keep his word, then I am going to give it every effort (I didn't say it like that to him) to close that chapter, and start a new one.

I suspect that you too are going to have a hard time based on what you said in your post. If you find that that is the case, you can always do what I'm doing. For some reason it seems to be in human nature that what you have all of a sudden looks much better when someone else wants it too. It makes one appreciate what they have. Sounds like your AP's attitude could use a tune up, and making him believe, if it's not really true, that you are dating other people is just the right tool for the job IMO.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck, and the strength to make it through. We are hear if you need us.

Justice

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 10:27am
thanks TGR

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 10:31am
i like dat crime_fighter..even though my AP told me to do so...i like it...lol lol lol ...he said he didn't want to know about it either but, he'll know dangnabbit...first of all...benedict arnold(my son) will be telling anyhow.....i know my son...he'll be like "awww man whas wrong wit yall, this joker done came to pick my mom up, and i aint like him" he don't like anyone but my AP....i once had a guy come over when we weren't talking before..i had no intentions on getting with dude..we were just talking and having drinks..well he left the drinks in my fridge...and when AP came back..my son took him in the kitchen and said..."look in the fridge,you don't drink this kind of beer do you"

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 12:21pm

Hi Truly, I just wanted to offer my sympathy and support.

I'm at that stage too and finding it very difficult to cut the tie. I have trouble sometimes even going out with my friends (forget dating) because everything reminds me of him, it's hard to not 'feel like he's my boyfriend' so I can't see other prospects (I'm not the cheating kind lol), I just want to share it all with him, and I can't.

Good luck compartmentalizing, I've got a lot of testosterone in me, but still haven't managed that one yet! =)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2008
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 1:38pm
Chabs,

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