Anyone Single and told AP they are gonna
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| Wed, 01-21-2009 - 2:39pm |
Hhhuuuuummmmm, I am single and seeing MM - he is long time ex who married and then we met up - very long story so won't bore you with it !
We are at the stage in A ( seeing each other 11 months) where it's time for action, he has never lied to me about his marraige, they are like room mates, no passion etc but he feels really guilty at devastating her and he has a business that is sooo tied up to their house, life etc... would be a whole pile of mess to unravel. Anyway he said he is scared to jump in case we don't work out, sayes he will have all the devastation and financial ruin whilst I would just get closure...... So I have said I am not asking for a decision but that to live a life I must take off the NO VACANCY sign and explore other opportunities.

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I just wanted to say how brave you are.
Hi there -
Just wanted to say that your post took me back a couple years to when I had finally hit my max with my then/AP - and I finally told him - I love you forever - and I know you love me too - however, if you can't leave your M - then I have to pick myself up and start taking care of ME!!
you are doing what's right for you.
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
You are getting there sweetie - just keep putting one foot in front of the other - and stay strong.
You deserve to be happy - and I know you want it to be with him - but it's possible that will never be - so you have to live NOW - and take care of yourself.
I tried that dating others thing, it didn't work out for me. I just like you am S w/ a MM. I told him that I was going to start seeing other people, and like your AP, he was not happy, but recognized that it was unfair to expect me to sit around waiting for him to throw me some crumbs.
Well, I never imagined how difficult it would be to sit there, and try to pretend that I wanted to get to know this guy, when ALL I could think about was AP. I really tried, but I can't do it. BUT AP still thinks I am, and it is really working in my favor, (or at least that's how it appears.) I appreciate what tgr says about honesty being important, but drastic times call for drastic measures. Feel me? I have to say that he asks me a lot about my dates, and how they are going, so I know that it bothers him. I have assured AP (and maybe I shouldn't have) that I would not be having sex w/ anyone (but him) until April 1st. At that time if he doesn't keep his word, then I am going to give it every effort (I didn't say it like that to him) to close that chapter, and start a new one.
I suspect that you too are going to have a hard time based on what you said in your post. If you find that that is the case, you can always do what I'm doing. For some reason it seems to be in human nature that what you have all of a sudden looks much better when someone else wants it too. It makes one appreciate what they have. Sounds like your AP's attitude could use a tune up, and making him believe, if it's not really true, that you are dating other people is just the right tool for the job IMO.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck, and the strength to make it through. We are hear if you need us.
Justice
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Hi Truly, I just wanted to offer my sympathy and support.
I'm at that stage too and finding it very difficult to cut the tie. I have trouble sometimes even going out with my friends (forget dating) because everything reminds me of him, it's hard to not 'feel like he's my boyfriend' so I can't see other prospects (I'm not the cheating kind lol), I just want to share it all with him, and I can't.
Good luck compartmentalizing, I've got a lot of testosterone in me, but still haven't managed that one yet! =)
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