Anyone tired of having A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Anyone tired of having A?
10
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 2:36pm
Does anyone ever get tired of having an A? I mean, do any of you ever want to pursue an actual relationship with your OM/OW?

I've been in A with OM for 5 months now and I'm in love with OM. I am tired of putting my own feelings to the side and want to express them openly and freely. Does anyone else feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 10:08pm
Well, I've had about a week to think about this VERY question because my OM is with his girlfriend for a few days...I am definitely tired of the "affair", but not necessarily of OM. It's very confusing. I think he feels he can't be seen with me in public; doesn't seem that enamored with me like he used to. It seems the only time we get together is to "play" and I guess I'm getting tired of that. I think in the first few months of my A, I fantasized of him and made him into this great person in my mind. Now, I think a lot of the euphoria is wearing off and i'm starting to see the situation as it really is: his bed buddy. And that makes me feel cheap and sad. I've been married for 10 years and I think one of the reasons I ended up in an A is because I felt like I wasn't all that important to my H and I was seeking intimacy and attention...now it seems I'm wanting and obessing about the same issues in my A! What's the point anymore? I'm not blaming OM b/c i have as much responsibility in this situation as he does. But I think I deserve more and i need to figue out WHY. Today while at the bookstore, I picked up the book, "Women Who Love Too Much" and BOY!!!! Did it hit home. I have only read about 6 pages and I can already see myself in this book. Hugs to you, Hondagal8

BB

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:29am
Not tired, but sick of being in it. I am sorry about all the time I wasted on the OM - I could have built on my marriage and had some kids. Too much precious time lost, that is really my regret right now. It was good while it lasted. :)

About the OP's book "Woman who loves too much" I don't think it really helped me at all. I am nothing like that person described in that - trying to over each to your man without any self respect. nah! not me. :)

Juliet

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 8:32am
I sometimes feel that way. I wonder why I bother when he really doesn't seem to have the time for me. When we don't get to even talk for anything longer than 15min at a clip we don't really get to reconnect like we did in the begining. I told him I'm not good at casual sex, and he said he is a loving person, so if we don't have the time to connect emotionally I don't see either one of us being able to stay in this long term.

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:39am
I agree. I took in a lot bad stuff I thought he was in "difficult circumstances" at that time. Not anymore, esp after the remark about my appearence last week, it has made me think I should not be taking any more crap than I already have. I think everybody has their own "breaking point"!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 10:28am
A dissent...

I love being a mistress. It took a while to figure out that an A takes totally different skills than does a marriage, and to learn to appreciate an intense relationship where the contact comes only in small doses. But I love it now. I try to see it the same way I see my friendship with my closest female friend : we see each other a couple times a month and call a couple times a week. When I'm not with her, I don't obsess about how she feels about me, I just know she still loves me, and I her. And when we get together, we have a wonderful time. I'm trying to see the A the same way, a close, stable friendship with the extra pleasure of sex. If I look at it that way, it's totally rewarding. I would MUCH rather be OMM's mistress than his second W.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 1:52pm
Yes, I would Marry mine if he asked me in a heartbeat.....I would

not hesitate for 1 minute.

I am tired of the ups and downs, but when I am with him, I

am at peace. It is worth it.



Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:01pm
Honda,

My affair is a real relationship. No, we're not getting married, at least not in the forseeable future. But we share our feelings, our hopes and our dreams. We write together, so we're building something personally, professionally, and someday, financially. We have limits on our relationship that I don't like, but seldom a day goes by that we don't talk and email. And I've been married before. Those relationships had their own sets of limits.

I share with him, both good and bad. He's there for me, whether we always agree or not. We fuss and make up and are growing together more every day.

I choose to share my love with him. I've not regretted it.

Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 3:11pm
Cazrida-

Don't get me wrong-I do NOT regret a minute of my A. There are just times when I wish there could be more. That is all. I think we all feel that way sometimes being under these circumstances!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 7:27pm
There hasn't been a day since mm and I have started seeing one another that I didn't wish that I was more than just the other woman. I love my mm, and I know he cares alot about me. But if I have to be "just the other woman" I can handle it. I feel a little different because we have known one another for a while now. He has been my best friend, and my rock through so many things lately. I could have made it without him, but it was easier because he was there. There are days that I wish it wasn't just an affair, but others when I know it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 11:40pm
NeeNee-

I go through the same feelings. Its like a roller coaster ride. One week I'll be content or extremely happy to be the "other" woman. And then a week later I want to be the ONLY woman.