anyone's male AP try therapy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2008
anyone's male AP try therapy?
2
Wed, 04-29-2009 - 11:46pm

My AP has been seeing a counselor (MSW) for a short while to figure out why he is "stuck" and can't bring himself to move out of his marital home where he has lived for 35 years and has been married for 40.


My story is the same as

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 12:53am

Hi Joan,


Glad you're here. I'm relatively new myself although I lurked for awhile.


40 years of marriage and 35 in one home are some serious roots that just might extend a few miles below the basement.


I'm not unbiased but I do have a similar story. My AP and I were both M. He was older, had been M. for 25 years..grown children. I had a younger marriage and children at home.


He left his W. several times but moved back in both times. My AP also saw a counselor and told me it was just to come to terms with the guilt he felt over leaving a M. that wasn't horrible but in which he did not *love* his wife anymore. He wanted to be at peace with his decision.


But now (years later) I believe he not only loved her, but loved the life they had built together. I know how hard I struggled with leaving my 12-yr M. Even though it was the right decision for me, it was terribly painful. It was my home. I was giving up my roots.


I can only imagine how hard it would be after 40 years.


Is seeing a counselor another delay tactic? Well maybe not consciously. But yes. Because it does mean he has some unresolved issues. So it is good he is addressing those, imo. If he does leave, hopefully it will be only when he is a peace with the decision. I can't think of a better foundation for a RL relationship.


Let us know how you're doing.


Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love.       ~Anonymous
 &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2009
Thu, 04-30-2009 - 4:51pm
Yes, my Ap has gone to counseling by himself, with his W, and with me.