AP actually told her

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
AP actually told her
5
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 9:06am

AP and I have been talking a lot lately about starting a real life together. We are going on 21 months now and have been pretty serious the last few months.

I am D and he is still M. He told me that he had planned to tell her he wants out of the M this weekend. He has said that before and actually started the "i'm unhappy conversation" with her last weekend but said he didn't have the guts to finish it.

He told me last night would be the night and i have to admit I wasn't 100% convinced he was going to do it. But I got a text from him last night around midnight that said "She left. She may want to talk to you but I wouldn't answer." She knew about a year and a half ago that AP and I had something going on so she is familiar with me. I texted him back and asked if he is ok and he replied "No". So I texted him and asked if he needed to talk and he never replied.

My stomach is in knots. I haven't talked to AP this morning and am not sure if he will show up at work or not. He works at the other end of the building I work in. I feel sorrow for his W and pain for AP. The thought of us being together at some point down the road excites me, but right now I am not feeling too hot.

Thanks for letting me talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 12:41pm
I would be very careful here and not expect too much at this moment.I am SW with MM and had a DDay before he could file for D.The papers were all ready but we got caught and the W knows me now.MM moved in with me,i was very excited but this was very short lived.He moved back within few days and the W wants to give the M a shot.I am skipping some parts here but my MM had to go counseling with her though both know its a wasted effort.
My MM and i are continuing our thing while the W believes we are NC.Giving the entire thing some time.He spends saturday night with me;)
I hope it works out for you but it can go either way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Mon, 06-15-2009 - 3:52pm

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 1:57pm

I just wanted to update everyone that things are going as well as can be expected.

We found AP and apartment and he will try to get moved into it this weekend. He has been firm with his W about wanting out of the marriage and has made it clear that there is no negotiating, but that he wants it as peaceful as possible so to not drag the kids through the mud. He plans to help with yardwork and start fixing up the house a little in case she decides she wants to move out of it.

His lease is for 45 days and then we will assess where he is in the divorce process and how we feel about a trial living arrangement for us.

I am trying to stand back and be here for him and just be supportive. He has his moments where he falls apart, but overall he really seems to have a handle on everything. I am still completely shocked that this is happening but I couldn't love him more and can't wait until we can be a real couple.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
Wed, 06-17-2009 - 3:11pm

Glad to hear back from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Thu, 06-18-2009 - 8:29pm
Well, I hope that your MM has the balls to follow through with everything and that it works out, but just be careful. I wouldn't put all your heart and soul into everything just yet. My XAP "actually told her" 6 times in a year and a half. Oh, yeah...each time, she was pissed, she knew it was over, she had accepted the fact that he was no longer in love with her...the last time she actually filed for divorce when he told her he couldn't live with her and make things work when he was in love with me, but yet, he went back again. When his back was against the wall, when the financial realities started setting in, when the guilt trips started piling in, when the tongue lashings from his daughter and other family members started to sting, that's when he started pushing me away....the one he had such an UNDYING love for. Again, I hope things are different for you...just be careful.