AP ended it...again
Find a Conversation
AP ended it...again
| Thu, 04-16-2009 - 9:20am |
So Tuesday AP gets online and says he "had a really bad weekend at home".
Apparently, Mr. Techie did not know when you take pics with your cellphone and then send them to your email account they are then moved into to "sent messages" portion of your cellphone, even when you delete the pics from the camera portion of your cellphone. D'oh!
So, AP gets in the shower Monday and his W decides to have a look thru his phone and finds some non explicit pics of me seated in their livingroom and

Pages
>>>"Mad not because I lost him as a lover, I am mad because I valued our friendship more (friends for 3 yrs before it went PA) than anything and that is now gone forever."<<<
Mad? I hope it's on yourself. He was NEVER yours in the first place. Whatever you had with him was inappropriate without his W's blessings.... and it's never a good idea to sleep with our friends because sleeping with them is a good sure fire way of losing them. I'm glad you did learn your lessons though. Next time a MM makes goo-goo eyes at you run the other way.
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
I understand the mixed feelings about your anger.
Me on a daily basis: Mad at myself for being fooled by a man I loved, AND mad at him for continually playing my emotions. As time has passed, I have tried to deal with my anger, which at times was more at myself for allowing him to repeatedly fool me and at other times more at him for being a jacka$$ and using me to suit his needs. Now? Six months out from the worst of it, I am angry with him, not myself anymore. And my anger? Much less intense and sometimes? I can say "I don't care" where it pertains to him.
You know though? I think you handled things very well. I think he led you to believe he was honest, and when you questioned him on HOW honest and found out he still lied, well yeah, I can see quite well why you got angry.
I know you will miss the friendship. I still have things happen and have my first thought be "Oh, I would love to tell him that." It will get better though. I promise.
Before you jump down my throat again, I should have been clearer on what was making me mad, perhaps? Yes, I am mad at MM for not being honest, again, with his wife. I have every right to be upset about that. You are telling me you have to end even a minimal friendship with me yet you don't have the gonads to be honest with your wife? Yeah...I'm mad about that. That's the cowards way. I came clean, completely clean at home, no matter how much more pain it caused people.
I wish I was able to sit upon such a high "moral convictions" pedestal as other people.
He and I made a terrible mistake, we knew the risks and costs, so it was an educated and calculated mistake after 3 years of genuinely platonic friendship. We are human, and I learned my lesson from that mistake.
Hi gal, you really handled this gracefully considering the circumstances. You kept your dignity and emotions in check. Huge kudos to you, girl.
The anger is part of the grieving process; it may alternate with more 'depressed' feelings, just brace yourself during the first weeks and focus on taking care of you :) Yes you will miss him and his friendship, I missed xAP terribly after I ended it but you know it's getting a lot better and it doesn't hurt so much now.
big hug,
trixie
If I remember correctly, you and your AP were caught by his teenage daughter while at his house doing the deed - correct?
You are mad because he didn't declare his love and time with you to his wife - that has nothing to do with you feeling bad for his wife
Gal... I'm so sorry.
>>>"Yes, I am mad at MM for not being honest"<<<
Really? Show me a MM who's cheating on his W, got caught, but since it's okay with the AP to resume the A when the heat cooled down in the home front, can still be thought of as an honest person?
>>>"You are telling me you have to end even a minimal friendship with me yet you don't have the gonads to be honest with your wife? Yeah...I'm mad about that."<<<
Seems to me that you're just mad because he didn't pick you. That is if you're being honest with yourself.
>>>"That's the cowards way. I came clean, completely clean at home, no matter how much more pain it caused people."<<<
Doesn't mean he's a coward. He just knows where his priorities are and probably more realistic about the A.
>>>"we knew the risks and costs, so it was an educated and calculated mistake after 3 years of genuinely platonic friendship."<<<
If that's what you think fine. I don't think it was educated.....calculated maybe. JMHO!!!
"People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within."
- Ramona L. Anderson
In January when we were caught by the DD, the A only ceased for about a week. He made contact with me...and it started again, that is until Tuesday. On Weds I retrieved my books from him (political debate books) and we both agreed to no more contact~~so far, there has not been any.
Yes, H knows about "the letter"; he asked to read it~~however it was not in my possession~~xAP had it. When he returned it to me Weds, I was so upset I tore it up and let the wind eat it. It never occured to me to let H read it. When I came clean, I told him what the letter said since I did not have it available to me anyhow.
He never made me feel bad about any part of this relationship! And I DO feel bad for his wife. Again, she has extended him another chance at their marriage and he could not be honest with her. How can you begin to truly fix your half of the problem when you are not honest about the whole situation? Why is it so hard for some of you to believe that yes, I do feel badly for this woman? I knew he had no plans of leaving the wife so I never had visions of grandeur in my head about a possible "life" with him. I never wanted a life with him. This was supposed to be no-strings sex, and we accidentally fell in love. Neither of us wanted it, but it happened.
I will move on, when I am ready. I think we are all entitled to a grieving period; when these A's end...we lose something. For some of us, we lose a really good friend, not someone that has lied to us time and time again about "when I leave her...", he never made those "promises" to me and I never wanted him to.
Ummm, I don't think anyone was thrown under the bus here, I don't believe I said anything remotely close to that?
Perhaps I am misunderstanding what you said about being thrown under the bus, it was an incomplete sentence with no subject...or a typo:
"i keep on seeing being thrown under the bus. no it's not, it's the AP making the wise choice, their wife. as it should be."
Anyhow, its over and thankfully so. It was not fair to do (to all parties involved) and I was physically and emotionally draining myself living a double life.
Pages