AP "Etiquette"
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| Fri, 08-06-2010 - 3:25am |
Super-short backgrounder: I am in an LDA for about 9 months now –AP and I are both married with kids although his are younger than mine. He and H are friends and his W is an acquaintance of ours.
AP and I are friends on facebook. A couple of weeks ago, the sister of H posted a “Happy anniversary in advance” greeting that all my other friends are able to read too. Days later, while AP and I were chatting online, he said “Happy anniversary.” I was stunned and didn’t know what to say. I ended up being quiet and waited for him to change the topic.
Why on earth will he greet me on an occasion that is a reminder that I am not with him but with someone else?? Please tell me it’s just me.
Are there things that your AP said or did that you think isn’t “proper” for AP’s to say or do? Are there things that you consider as "taboo" in an A??

Hi there
Just my opinion and possibly a poke in the dark but ....maybe his motive was seeking reassurance. Times when spouses are perceived to re-connect such as anniversaries and vacations are generally felt to be threatening by the OM/OW. Maybe he just wanted it out in the open since he'd read about it anyway and it was easier to deal with by acknowleding it than sitting in silence pretending it wasn't happening. Its something I would possibly do for those reasons. Up front and open is better to me even if it hurts and there's no way I'd let on it hurt!
After saying that, I still don't know my OM's anniversary after nearly 5 years ...and I'm hoping to keep it that way!
As for faux pas from OM? ....Ohhh yes! He is the master of them, purely because he just doesn't think like I do. He has had me wondering at times if he and I are on the same planet let alone in the same relationship! All in all, just about each one was really about the dynamics of him managing such a difficult relationship on an emotional level...I don't think he's used to it!
I would let it go and put it down to experience and maybe reassure him a bit that your anniversary makes no difference ;-)
Bird
I don't think AP's should as if you had sex, made love to your H or W. I think that should be an "AP Etiquette". I really dislike when my AP does it and wonder why he wants to know. I know I wouldn't although I'd be curious but wouldn't dare ask.
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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In our A, very little is off-limits, though any given subject is approached within context. we make it important that we support each other's marriages, and encourage any positive signs, whatever they may be. We are in an A, but not at the expense of our M's, or taking away from it. So, birthdays, anniversaries are all good.. time with family in any fashion is encouraged.. etc..
yeah, we are weird that way.. :-)..
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Guess we're weird, too ;).
We don't know each others' anniversaries, and not sure we would comment on it if we did, but pretty much nothing is "off limits" in terms of our conversation.
anotherseyes
Since you're FB friends and knew that you knew (that's a