AP getting a Divorce

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2013
AP getting a Divorce
6
Tue, 02-26-2013 - 8:36pm

I have to share this somewhere.  I went to doc cool and was surpised by the big turn-around there.  I'm glad I found this one.

AP finally split with her H.  It's about time, but it was real rough, financially and every other way, for a while there.  We really haven't had much contact, although I did what I could to help her out thorugh all this.

The inevitable happened, she's seeing someone new.  And single.

As a friend, I'm really happy for her.  I told her that.  It was hard for her to tell me about it, but we talked for a long time.  I'm being as supportive as humanly possible.

I can't tell her that, inside, it really hurts.  I have no reason to feel this way.  She's doing exactly what I hoped she would, getting her life back together.  We both agreed we'd never stop loving each other.  But...

Damn, it's hard to know that I'll never be with her again.

That's all.  Intellectually I understand.  Just that it hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Wed, 02-27-2013 - 12:05am

Be happy that it hurts.  Be happy that you felt alive and still do. This is the price you pay for reaching out on a limb and sometimes the limb breaks, but what a rush it was to be there.

My long term "non"-AP will someday find somebody I am sure. And even after all these years, I have no doubt it will hurt.

You should find the space to tell her how you feel, not to confuse her or expect something, but let her know she's that important to you and will always be.  There's nothing wrong with that. Doesn't mean you want her to act any differently, just means we are all human.

Hiding this from her could be just as hurtful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2013
Wed, 02-27-2013 - 6:04am

We had a long talk, and we came away knowing that we both still feel the same, just that things aren't going to be the same.  She knows it hurts, both of us.  But I'm NOT going to say anything that would feed any guilt or regrets she may feel.  I want her to start this new phase in her life on a positive note.

We agreed not to live in "what ifs".  But somehow there's comfort in knowing that I would be her "what if", just as she would be mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 02-28-2013 - 11:39am

that's the best place you hope to be at under the circumstances.

Be grateful for what you shared, cherish the memories.. and move forward..

Right? ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 8:25pm

I can somewhat understand your feelings. Thinking logically, it only makes sense that she would date someone new instead of a married man now that she is single. In my own A, I know that one day one or both of us will get a D and things will change between us for sure. I almost feel that there are just too many emotions for us to just be platonic friends. Who knows. It is hard because it is the loss of a good friend as she moves on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 8:26pm

:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 1:00pm

I feel for ya....  I'm a MW and hope to get a D this summer.  I know my AP won't leave his W.

So I guess that's exactly where my A will wind up.  Too bad.  I really do love him but there's no future if he stays in his M.

Fritz....  I'm guessing you won't leave your M?