AP Leaving on Trip

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
AP Leaving on Trip
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 2:02pm

Hello there--- I am a lurker on this board, I think the last time I posted was over a year ago!?  I haven't been involved in an affair relationship since.  Anyway, here I am again mostly just wanting to get things off my chest, to vent a little, and this seems like a safe place.  Thanks for being here....

I've only been involved iwth my AP for two months, 10 days.  Yup, down to the day.  Its been a whirlwind to say the least.  I'm in my late 40's, live with my BF.  While he is sweet and kind, the relationship isn't everything I need.  And so I sought out another relationship, and connected with my AP.  He is married, 25 years, two kids in college.  Comfortable companionship at home, no real connection after 25 years (well, its not all bad for him at home, but it doesn't seem to nourish him).

Whirlwind.  We've both been very present and intentional in this relationship.  We see each other 2-3 times a week have gone away for two weekends together,email and text often.  I really feel like we are a part of each other's life.  Its powerful, and its not all about sex.  That's only part of it.  

I'm not willing quite yet (and neither is he) to think about changing our current situations, but I know it is on my mind.  I need more time to know this man.

In the meantime, he's taking off in a couple of weeks for an extended trip to see is family in Europe, then, get this, a two week trip with his wife (planned a year ago) to the south of France.  Its killing me!  I know on one level it is simply an extension of what I already know:  he is in another committed relationship, and that means he sleeps with this other woman, lives in the same house as her, etc.   Vacationing togther is a part of that.  I also know that what he and I have together is separate from that, and if its real, this time apart will not make it disappear.

I've told him about how I feel.... he knows.   He holds that without coming right out and telling me "everything is going to be ok."   He says he is going to miss me, and that much I trust.

We were away this past weekend together, and we did this "ceremony" involving writing down fears, then burning the paper to get rid of them.  It made me feel better to share that.   Not altogether better, but better.

Here's to being strong, and just letting whatever happens, happens.


Thanks for listenng....much appreciated.