Sorry to hear. I am in a similar situation with a co worker. I am the married woman and he is in a 5 yr relationship not married yet. I have the same issue with him pulling back after sex and it drives me insane. We need to speak about work all through the day and it makes it soooo hard to stop thinking about him. I have to force myself not to change the topic from work. today I was really annoyed with him going back to being a good boy. I made a comment about our next get together next week and he pulled back and said maybe...Totally different from the beginning when he was totally into it and responsive. So today after that I talked myself into stopping it completley. In a way I want our close friendship back...but its changed... I know it will be hard but I am going insane. He drives me totally insane. I have a husband and 2 kids at home and here I am going nuts over his guy. I have no idea what I have gotten myself into or how I will get out of it. I think if he says the word I will drop everything for him. I just cant help it, but dont know why.
I can so relate, i told ap that i needed reassurance from him about everything being ok between us and i got it and more. I also got him upset because i was having thoughts and thinking about things being bad. He said that everything is good and we made plans to be together again, but the contact is still little and well i see him online and send him a message and sometimes i get a response, sometimes i don't. it hurts but i guess it is what it is, just not what i thought it would be after ic. I guess for me right now, I am trying to slow down contact and see if he reaches out to me, i doubt it but who knows he may surprise me. this fwb thing is not what i thought it would be :(
well perhaps you have your answer...i guess he in conscientious of what he does...i think that's a good thing..these situations are very hard...he really sounds like he's busy and has a lot of other things on his mind and maybe doesn't want to complicate it with a relationship at all..much less one with someone who's "m"
i'm really sorry this happened to you...i'm telling you these situations are very up and down and hard to deal with for i am caught in the middle of one right now and don't wanna let go at all...i often think about doing what's right but then i think of my own feelings...and how much i love him and am in love with him and can't fathom the thought of giving that up either....it's a roller coaster ride for real...i swear i have an ulcer...but, i hold stuff in a lot too.....
on the other hand..it's good to establish that friendship first, maybe then after that your fantasy will come true....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Why is it that men always have their moment of clarity AFTER IC? Does it not occur to them before hand, or do they just ignore it so that they can have their cake? Or is the guilt explanation just a crock of sh*t? Just once I would like to see where a guy stops before IC, and says, "No this isn't right." I mean does he have an epiphany the moment of release? Give me a break! You are so much better off w/o him, but I know that your feelings are hurt, and I am sorry to hear that. I hope that things get better soon.
Actually, according to the scientific community, they do have a moment of clarity after release. Once they have felt the physical release, their cognitive thinking kicks in. That's why they say if a man still wants to spend time with you after sex, it is most likely genuine. At that point, he is thinking clearly and rationally and making decisions based on logic as opposed to lust. The opposite happens for women. We think less clearly and less objectively after the moment of release. Our thoughts become 'foggy' and more emotionally based than logical.
I think that is also why many women here complain about having IC and then not hearing from the MM until 2-3 weeks later when he comes sniffing around for attention. Many times I want to point out that it isn't guilt that kept him away. He just hadn't built up that 'need' yet, and he returned when the old itch needed to be scratched.
Although I know that kind of thing flies in the face of the whole 'we're in love' thinking, so I don't think it would be well received.
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We need to speak about work all through the day and it makes it soooo hard to stop thinking about him. I have to force myself not to change the topic from work. today I was really annoyed with him going back to being a good boy. I made a comment about our next get together next week and he pulled back and said maybe...Totally different from the beginning when he was totally into it and responsive.
So today after that I talked myself into stopping it completley. In a way I want our close friendship back...but its changed... I know it will be hard but I am going insane. He drives me totally insane. I have a husband and 2 kids at home and here I am going nuts over his guy. I have no idea what I have gotten myself into or how I will get out of it. I think if he says the word I will drop everything for him. I just cant help it, but dont know why.
I can so relate, i told ap that i needed reassurance from him about everything being ok between us and i got it and more. I also got him upset because i was having thoughts and thinking about things being bad. He said that everything is good and we made plans to be together again, but the contact is still little and well i see him online and send him a message and sometimes i get a response, sometimes i don't. it hurts but i guess it is what it is, just not what i thought it would be after ic.
I guess for me right now, I am trying to slow down contact and see if he reaches out to me, i doubt it but who knows he may surprise me. this fwb thing is not what i thought it would be :(
So, I couldn't stand it anymore and I sent him an email asking him why things seemed to have gone cold.
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well perhaps you have your answer...i guess he in conscientious of what he does...i think that's a good thing..these situations are very hard...he really sounds like he's busy and has a lot of other things on his mind and maybe doesn't want to complicate it with a relationship at all..much less one with someone who's "m"
i'm really sorry this happened to you...i'm telling you these situations are very up and down and hard to deal with for i am caught in the middle of one right now and don't wanna let go at all...i often think about doing what's right but then i think of my own feelings...and how much i love him and am in love with him and can't fathom the thought of giving that up either....it's a roller coaster ride for real...i swear i have an ulcer...but, i hold stuff in a lot too.....
on the other hand..it's good to establish that friendship first, maybe then after that your fantasy will come true....
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
My AP was the same way.
Actually, according to the scientific community, they do have a moment of clarity after release. Once they have felt the physical release, their cognitive thinking kicks in. That's why they say if a man still wants to spend time with you after sex, it is most likely genuine. At that point, he is thinking clearly and rationally and making decisions based on logic as opposed to lust. The opposite happens for women. We think less clearly and less objectively after the moment of release. Our thoughts become 'foggy' and more emotionally based than logical.
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That's it in a nutshell, alldonenow.
I think that is also why many women here complain about having IC and then not hearing from the MM until 2-3 weeks later when he comes sniffing around for attention. Many times I want to point out that it isn't guilt that kept him away. He just hadn't built up that 'need' yet, and he returned when the old itch needed to be scratched.
Although I know that kind of thing flies in the face of the whole 'we're in love' thinking, so I don't think it would be well received.
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