If I were you, I would run, fast, and far. I mean how greedy can one man be? I guess he figures because of the situation he can do ANYTHING that he pleases w/o regard for the feelings of others. You need to show him that that is not the case. Wow he takes cake eater to a whole new level!
Yes, you are the OW (#1), and your relationship is not conventional in a lot of ways, but there still has to be boundaries somewhere. Even though it is the nature of an A to color outside the lines sometimes, that doesn't mean that he can get buck wild and scribble the whole page up.
Depending on whether you want to remain in this R is going to dictate how you react. Just remember every time that he does something that crosses one of your boundaries, and you don't address it, and resolve it in a manner that your satisfied w/, you are chipping away at your own self esteem. I mean that's what boundaries are all about. Creating your comfort zone, and announcing to others "Hey, that is unacceptable to me, and I do not deserve to be treated that way!" So every time you let someone infringe on your boundaries unchallenged you are instead saying "Go ahead, do what you want to me, because I don't deserve any better." Play that message enough times in your head, and it WILL take it's toll on your self esteem.
If, for some reason, you still want to continue to see this.....guy, then you're going to have to take a stand. Go NC w/o warning. No matter how bad you miss him, and want to talk to him, remain steadfast that what you are doing is the right thing. When you feel weak, come to this board, and post till your heart's content, but don't cave. When he does call, blast his a** out. Tell him that you know what's up, and he has to make a choice, her (OW #2) or you. Don't except that sweet talk that he is going to hit you with, and the denials that are sure to follow. If he remains firm in his denials then the ball is again in your court. You have to choose whether you want to be a doormat available on his terms, or opt to leave the R, and begin the healing process. Personally, I think that dealing w/ someone w/ a nature that selfish it is inevitable that you will have to begin the healing process sooner or later. It may be at a time that you choose, or....it could be at his convenience, but have no doubts that this guy will lead you there some time, some how.
I wish you the best of luck, and the strength to get through this w/ your sanity intact. Sorry this was so long I just felt very strongly about telling you just how I see it.
"Even though it is the nature of an A to color outside the lines sometimes, that doesn't mean that he can get buck wild and scribble the whole page up. "
that right there the above, is some good material...uhmmm can i use it if i ever have to..i don't suspect to have to because my AP well, xAP is just that good.....umph gurl...well damn you always have to ask the writer of the original material..i don't wanna plagiarize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
" xAP is just that good....." Since he is an exAP now, he is free to have another new AP.dont be fooled!
your post the one with ," anyone felt like..." tells that your exAP has made you feel something very unique ( honestly, you dont get to feel that from someone very often.believe me, you are lucky to feel that way.)Why did you ruin it?? it would have possibly taken a sincere apology and he would still be your AP, not ex! How will you feel IF he just remains friends with you and gets another AP ?Dont be angry but if he has the 'thing' to make you feel like that,then it would be easy for someone else as well,who may not make the mistakes which made you an ex!
you are a single mom, i would suggest , dont stay friends with him, break away and find a single man for yourself .
If I were you, I would run, fast, and far. I mean how greedy can one man be? I guess he figures because of the situation he can do ANYTHING that he pleases w/o regard for the feelings of others. You need to show him that that is not the case. Wow he takes cake eater to a whole new level!
Yes, you are the OW (#1), and your relationship is not conventional in a lot of ways, but there still has to be boundaries somewhere. Even though it is the nature of an A to color outside the lines sometimes, that doesn't mean that he can get buck wild and scribble the whole page up.
Depending on whether you want to remain in this R is going to dictate how you react. Just remember every time that he does something that crosses one of your boundaries, and you don't address it, and resolve it in a manner that your satisfied w/, you are chipping away at your own self esteem. I mean that's what boundaries are all about. Creating your comfort zone, and announcing to others "Hey, that is unacceptable to me, and I do not deserve to be treated that way!" So every time you let someone infringe on your boundaries unchallenged you are instead saying "Go ahead, do what you want to me, because I don't deserve any better." Play that message enough times in your head, and it WILL take it's toll on your self esteem.
If, for some reason, you still want to continue to see this.....guy, then you're going to have to take a stand. Go NC w/o warning. No matter how bad you miss him, and want to talk to him, remain steadfast that what you are doing is the right thing. When you feel weak, come to this board, and post till your heart's content, but don't cave. When he does call, blast his a** out. Tell him that you know what's up, and he has to make a choice, her (OW #2) or you. Don't except that sweet talk that he is going to hit you with, and the denials that are sure to follow. If he remains firm in his denials then the ball is again in your court. You have to choose whether you want to be a doormat available on his terms, or opt to leave the R, and begin the healing process. Personally, I think that dealing w/ someone w/ a nature that selfish it is inevitable that you will have to begin the healing process sooner or later. It may be at a time that you choose, or....it could be at his convenience, but have no doubts that this guy will lead you there some time, some how.
I wish you the best of luck, and the strength to get through this w/ your sanity intact. Sorry this was so long I just felt very strongly about telling you just how I see it.
"Even though it is the nature of an A to color outside the lines sometimes, that doesn't mean that he can get buck wild and scribble the whole page up. "
that right there the above, is some good material...uhmmm can i use it if i ever have to..i don't suspect to have to because my AP well, xAP is just that good.....umph gurl...well damn you always have to ask the writer of the original material..i don't wanna plagiarize
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
One post for all your posts, tygerzize.
" xAP is just that good....." Since he is an exAP now, he is free to have another new AP.dont be fooled!
your post the one with ," anyone felt like..." tells that your exAP has made you feel something very unique ( honestly, you dont get to feel that from someone very often.believe me, you are lucky to feel that way.)Why did you ruin it?? it would have possibly taken a sincere apology and he would still be your AP, not ex! How will you feel IF he just remains friends with you and gets another AP ?Dont be angry but if he has the 'thing' to make you feel like that,then it would be easy for someone else as well,who may not make the mistakes which made you an ex!
you are a single mom, i would suggest , dont stay friends with him, break away and find a single man for yourself .