Is AP your friend?
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Is AP your friend?
| Thu, 12-18-2008 - 6:50pm |
Is your AP also your friend? Have you got closer as friends in A? Is A destoying your friendship?
I am very to have my AP because he is a wonderful and smart man. I have alsways enjoyed talking to him. Before our A, we normally only talked at work , ( we work together once a week), sometimes a short phone call or e-mail, often work related. Now we talk everyday. He is intiating most calls, very open with me and talks about his feelings. He told me recently,

AP is my best friend.
Yes, unfortunately. For that reason, makes all of this harder. Wish I would have kept it just friends.
My experiences consist of feeling very close to AP as a special friend.
Definitely.
Yes. I've known him since I was 14 years old. How crazy is that?
We were part of the same social circle as teenagers, and hung out off and on growing up, just getting to know each other through mutual friends. I came across an old diary entry where my boyfriend at age 17 was jealous of AP, and thought him a threat (even though I didn't think of him that way back then). Hmm, foreshadowing?
It's been all flirting via text and phone sex up until now, exept for one night where we had a stolen moment when some mutual friends left the room. This weekend, though, we'll finally get our chance to be alone. I'm so over the moon with anticipation and excitement. The whole time we've both said we don't want to do anything that might hurt our friendship, and reassuring each other that it will all be okay. We'll see, though. Not only is he my friend, but I've only recently gotten to know some of his friends, too - friends who I don't think I know well enough to keep in contact with, though, if things go south with AP. I guess we'll see!
I think it's the "friends" thing that allowed me to justify this to myself in the first place. Like the fact that I've known him so long, or the fact that I've known him far longer than my H makes it somehow okay. Crazy how I can justify these things to myself...
Dear Metalife:) I guess, one of the problems with As is that we wish for more than we can have. You asked how we lower our expectations. I believe, there is a way to do it, but it is very individualized. In my case, I am happy with what I have, but also I am just in the beggining of it. You mentioned that you have set ground rules, and this is good and important. In my case, my AP set the ground rules. The very night we were together as not only friends but APs, he told me, he felt good because he knew he was safe with me and that we are smart not to screw it up, we are not gonna leave our spouses and we will play smart. He also talked alot about doing everything in moderation. As much as I hated to hear that back then, I now respect him even more for his wisdom. I am happy that he puts a smile on my face, but i am not obssessed with him....We both have very demanding management jobs and do school part time, so we can not afford to be emotional mess.....But if it wasnt for him, I would want more....One secret is that I feel i get something everyday is that he initiates phone calls. We work together once a week and his wife calls him all the time, he keeps the conversations short and she calls back in another hour or so. I have never seen him calling her. He is also the one who asks to meet me, this is also because my schedule is more flexible than his, but still. The very first night he said he loved me, but i guess it was more like " i love what you are doing", I said it back. I love each other as friends and we have told that each other before A, I do not know if we are in love with each other. I still strugle with the concept of "doing it" with my friend.....I would love to hear "I love you" as well.....How long have you been together? May be he does not say I love you because (he thinks) it is too early?
Yes, AP is actually one of my best friends. We started being better friends when I had my kids. Now that I stay home with my kids our schedules are pretty similar, so sometimes he would
I'm glad I'm not the only one who is downright convinced that a friendship can survive an A.
My xAP and I spent months exchanging steamy texts, phone calls, and one night together that didn't actually progress to sex. But then right before we actually had the chance to spend a whole night together, he got a rush of conscience and called it off.
That was last weekend, and since then we've both been adamant at preserving the friendship. Over on the EAS board, the consensus is that staying friends with an xAP can't ever work. But I don't believe that. I've been friends with him for years, I don't think a few months and a shared attraction is enough to kill a friendship.
Maybe I'm naive about the being-able-to-be-just-friends thing, but I'm determined to be the exception to conventional wisdom on that.