AP's question of the day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
AP's question of the day
14
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 10:59am

After the long 4th of July weekend I saw Ap this morning on our way to work. He seemed very quiet and deep in thought. I asked him if he had anything on his mind and that something was weighing on him. I'm a MW and he is a SM. He said he's afraid to meet someone else because he knows he'd lose me and he doesn't want me gone from his life. He asked would I leave him if he started something with another woman?


 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 11:46am

I think you should tell him exactly what you just told us. That you want him all to yourself and that he can never have you that way in return, and that you don't think it is healthy for him to be this way. But life isn't perfect, and if it is his choice to be in this arrangement, he needs to know exactly where you stand, with all its ups and downs. Don't think for him or try to protect him. He doesn't need you for that. He just needs to know all the things you told us this morning.

Could you do that?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 12:29pm

I agree with nevereasy: tell AP exactly what you told us.


As an almost single woman myself, I can tell you what I "plan" on doing.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 12:49pm

Hi Nevereasy,


Yes I think I can do that and I find it very interesting that you said:


it is his choice to be in this arrangement and he doesnt need me to protect him.


He's told me this before and made it clear he knows and understands the "situation" and is willing to deal with it until he feels he can't anymore. So the next time AP & I speak I will share with him the very feelings and thoughts I have shared with you.


Thanks!

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 1:30pm

So your undying love for your AP ends the moment you find a suitable SM ! WOW!

I've been reading this board for long and you are the only SW who is smart enough to use a MM and not vice versa.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 3:56pm

"So your undying love for your AP ends the moment you find a suitable SM ! WOW!


I've been reading this board for long and you are the only SW who is smart enough to use a MM and not vice versa."


No, my love for him will not end.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:45pm

" It also wouldn't be fair to the new man in my life to continue to carry on with AP "

but I dont understand why do you think it was perfectly fair to your husband ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 7:43pm
This is a "Support Group" may be you entered the wrong board.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 8:12pm
Though our marriage had ended in all but name a long time ago, I never felt it was fair to my husband.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 8:31pm

Though I dont know what how things are going on with you , I just hope your husband isn't trying to make things difficult for you out of anger .

Best of luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2007
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 7:44am

All I meant was that its nice to see a woman think like a man and spin him off.

If only there were more women ( especially single and MW who are divorcing ) who thought like this,less heartbreak would ensue.

You are keeping things in right perspective,hon.Use him and let it go.There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Just be cautious that your H doesnt cause problems regarding D and do give yourself time to be single before you start dating again.

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