Are any SW dating OM besides MM?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Are any SW dating OM besides MM?
10
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:27pm
I am curious. I have been asked out 6 times this week by 6 different men. I don't know really where MM and I stand so I don't know if I should go out or not?! Our situation is a bit weird because I have only just left my H 3 weeks ago. MM is in the process of leaving his W. We plan on being together when all is said and done. I am in my own apt and MM still lives at home with W. Is it okay for me to go out with other men? I am thinking about asking MM what he thinks about it but if he is living with his W still (even though they are supposedly broken up) shouldn't it be okay for me to see OM in the mean time? But then I don't want to freak MM out and make him stay with his W or something. I don't know. It's not like I am getting asked out by losers either, I have been asked out by a lawyer and a tax accountant so far TODAY! This is scary! I have NEVER dated because I married my high school sweetheart. Now I am 24 and I don't even know what to do! I am curious if I am making a mistake by going straight from H to MM because I didn't have any young/fun dating time in between. Should I go out with any of these guys?! Should I see where I stand with MM first? Being single is harder than I thought!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:43pm
Hi Karen.. sounds to me like you definitely need a time out from the R game. Honey, sow those oats now before life gets any more complicated. But be honest with all involved -- including MM. It's only fair that he makes his decisions based on a full disclosure of the facts. If you're wanting to date that's okay. Just don't start out sneaking around or making yourself feel guilty or worrying about what MM is going to think. Whether or not he leaves W shouldn't depend on anything you do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:49pm

hey karen -- girl, you are single so go for it!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:51pm
I say go for it and keep that seventh day for a day of rest:) Afterall we only live once and you are a young woman. Soxs
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:05pm
Forget all that, i need to know what you are doing to get six guys asking you out. i need that! Hell, even if you say no, it's qot to be quite the ego booster!!!!!

:) jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 3:03pm
I'm not saying you shouldn't go out on dates, but seems to me after reading your posts that you have a lot of drama in your life right now. Have you considered taking a time out from all of that, forget about H, MM and his W - and spend some quality time on yourself? You say that you went straight from being hs sweethearts to married couple. And right now you have a perfect moment to get to know yourself, find your inner strength and happiness.

I know it's hard, but that's what I would do if I was in your shoes. I married young, hardly dated before that, and now I think I have lost something those years. I am still only 29, but it's going fast!!

Take care of yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 8:46pm
Karen,

It sounds like you don't know how to think for yourself. I am of the mind that those who are "working on leaving their marriages" are still married - either you get out or you don't. So IMO you are single and your MM is still a "married man" living with his wife. If he wants to have a say about how you live your life, then he should do what is needed to actually have a say.

As far as going out with those other guys, well if you enjoy their company and would like to get to know them better, then go on a date. If not, then what would be the point? Dating isn't a committment for anything, not even sex. All it does is provide the opportunity to spend time in someone's company...when you aren't seeing MM because he is at home with his wife...

Now, if you want the opportunity to be single and free to experience "anything" that comes your way, then you should probably let your MM know because he may be of the mind that if you aren't ready to replace what he is leaving, he might want to stay where he is.

You are young and the fact that you don't even know what "you" want makes me think that you should take some time out for you and enjoy life based on your terms.

BTW, attorneys and other professional men can be losers, a larger paycheck doesn't necessarily mean a better person. :-)

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 8:54pm
Karen,

I just realized that you may not actually "be" single since you separated from your H six weeks ago. But you should also remember that right now you appear easy pickings to some guys because you are vulnerable. So, it wouldn't hurt to take some time to consider "why" these men are asking you out so that you don't get yourself in a bad situation.

Take care!

Rose

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 11:49am
You guys are awesome, thanks for the advice. To answer your question, Rose, some of the men that have asked me out are people that were "interested" in me before but never made a move because I was married. I knew that two of the guys that asked me out were interested before from things friends had said. They just obviously respected the fact that I was married...more than I did...ouch!

After this post yesterday I talked to a friend and found out that MM really did break up with his wife....I was previously just going by his word. He is definitely moving out and has already spoken to a friend about staying there while he searches for a new home. His W is going to be leaving town for a bit to deal with the splitting up.....she is staying at an ex's house too! So, I guess it's real...although it all seems a little crazy! He stayed the night at my house last night and we discussed dating other people. We decided to be exclusive....as soon as he actually moves out. He does not expect me to change who I am for him or what I do (I have been dancing part time for the last three weeks). So, I guess that is where we stand! I'm insane! Thank you guys so much for your advice and support....and don't worry....I'm not leaving the board! You guys are too great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:02pm
Karen,

I definately get the distinct impression that you are not totally, totally, into the MM since you said at another occasion that you were concerned that he might move in with you (for many other women here....that would be a blessing and not a concern) and now you expressed interest in dating others. When you do feel that the other person is "the person" for you, the idea of dating others never comes to mind.

I feel you definately need to take a break from all current men in your life and enjoy yourself. Settle down when you are around 29 or higher....thats the age where we do start getting maturer and our infatutions start lasting longer too and maybe our loves too.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 02-20-2004 - 9:05am
You've been asked out six times this week by six different men and you just left your husband three weeks ago? Do the six men know this? That's kind of funny - I would say that if you and your MM plan to be together some time in the near future, I'd hold off on the dating thing. If MM starts hemming and hawing about leaving his W for you - then I'd say besides the dating question you have bigger fish to fry.

Personally though, I'd hold off.

I am involved with MM and am now S myself - I have been dating for about nine months, but I know that my MM is never leaving his W (which was a parameter set at the beginning and I am fine with) so I have been dating. Single life is much harder than I imagined also. Like I posted to someone else, it seems a lot of the men I am meeting are interested in one thing - very few want a relationship.... whatever. I don't continue to date them if that's all they want.

I'm also coming to the conclusion that I'm not emotionally available since I'm involved with MM, so dating is kind of becoming a non issue for me right now....

Any way - that's my input.

Good luck!

Jill