Are you Facebook friends with your AP?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Are you Facebook friends with your AP?
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 5:34pm

We're not.

It would be very easy to do but we both agreed it'd be too painful given that our FB feeds are a constant stream of happy family photos.

He's done a solid job of locking down his profile so that I can't access his photos or feed, whereas most of my photos/feed are open. I know he looks me up and checks out my updates because he's admitted it.

I've never met his W but out of curiosity I looked up her profile and she had a bunch of albums that were viewable (including their wedding photos!).. eeek. Of course I couldn't stop myself from looking, and then felt like a POS afterward. 

Anyway, just curious what other people do...


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 6:52pm
Yes, we are fb friends. Have been for a while. Ex-Ap & I were fb friends as well. I, however, had their SOs blocked on my page when they were together so they couldn't see me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 7:01pm

He's not on FB.  I looked up his SO a few times to see pics of their new dog, grandkids, etc.  They've been together nearly 20 yrs & both have kids from a previous M, but she only posts about her side of the family & her relationship status has always been "single".  That pretty much summarizes what I think of how she treats him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 9:48pm

lol collect, on the opposite side, when I've heard xAP refer to SO as his gf, I've flipped the other way.  We need to make a pact on this analyzing thing! :smileywink:

I don't think I'd like being in a long-term R & not being listed in their status.  That may sound trivial, but I want to be with someone who's proud of having me in their life!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sun, 09-23-2012 - 10:19pm
My xap and I were friends on and off..his wife would get mad and delete all of his female friends and he would add me back. It was painful at times and when things ended, it was one of those times she had deleted me. He had not added me back before he died. When he died, he had left a letter for me and it contained all his passwords so I went to his page and it is still up now under my control and with his families permission. New AP and I are not friends as it would be too hard to explain to his wife as she watches his page. He has given me his login so I could see his vacation pictures. I of course took time to snoop lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 12:02am

My XAP and I go back so far we were MySpace friends!  LOL.  We've always kept in touch over the years using technology-first email, then MySpace, then Facebook.  I am friends with him, his W, his sister, his neighbors.  Sometimes it is painful, but I'd much rather be living in the reality of the situation, both online and in real life.  I saw the times they fought, but I also saw the tender moments.  It does hurt sometimes but I don't think I would have wanted it any other way.  I wanted to know him as he really was, and I wanted to see his real life.  He's good at only telling me the things that make him look good, so knowing his W, his kids, and the rest of his family and friends gave me a peek at the things he didn't talk about.  Sometimes it made me love him more, and sometimes it has made it easier to accept that he would not be the best person for me to be with in my life.  

I like the fact that FB helps anyone get a better grasp on who you are, not that FB gives a totally accurate view of a person.  But it does give clues, I think.  It is very helpful to me in dating now that I am single.  I can learn more about a guy in 10 minutes on his FB page than I can in 3 days of conversations with him.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 7:21am

Yes we are.  I'm also friends with the W and the BFF's.  It's like if you keep one you have to keep them all kind of deal.  AP will post some pics every now and then but mainly he plays games on it.  I've gone through all their photos.  Some I'm tagged in because of my kids being in the picture and I have some that they are tagged in because their kids are in our pictures.  I have my pictures visible to them.  I know they all check my feed because either they comment on it (except AP, he has NEVER written me anything on FB just game request) or they will mention it later on in a conversation.   Sometimes when I do post though I'll block the W and BFF if I don't want them seeing what I'm posting.

Just another thread in this proverbal web.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:11am

Nope... I have him blocked.  We have had a d-day, so no way in hell!!!  lol  My H is always on FB and he would see him on there.  Not a good thing.  He was also supposed to be blocked from my phone, but apparently not.  lol



Shadow Word generated at

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 11:51am
My AP doesn't have FB but I am friends with his STBX because she wants me to tag photos of their DS when it's our turn to have him. I suspect that's actually a ploy to keep tabs on AP and I. Which is a pretty weird situation to be in but well if it makes her happy and grant my AP a divorce, I'm all for it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Re: Are you Facebook friends with your AP?
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 4:39pm

So I created a false account pretending to be one of her friends (not a close friend obviously, just some guy she probably used to study with in her youth) and she added me.

I hope you know that this is ethically a VERY wrong thing to do.

I'm not much of a FB person, and I mostly use it to keep in touch with old, scattered friends and "liking" some pictures of relatives because I know they like it. Apart from my ex, I have not been friends with any woman that I had an A or R with, and I will NEVER add them in the future even if we are married. When I was married, we didn't have that silly "in R w/...", and we're still friends, but rarely "like" or "comment" on each other's posts. I don't want my pictures to be posted or tagged by others either!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 10:33am


But it's one way for me to verify if he's lying, I don't see any other.

Once that bond of "trust" is broken in a relationship, the relationship is over in my opinion, specially if you have to "verify" it.

What's next? Keeping an eye on his communications to verify whether he's cheating on you or not, once you're together?