Are you the "flower" or the "gardener"?
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| Thu, 03-18-2010 - 9:13pm |
I saw this on a TV show the other day. Every relationship has a "flower" and a "gardener". The "flower" is, of course, tended to and admired. The "gardener" is the caretaker and the nurturer. Of course this is a huge generalization, as all of us go through stages in relationships, and all of us take turns, usually. But if you think about your friends and relatives, you can usually identify which is which almost instantly!
I wondered if those of us who have affairs maybe change roles with our APs - being one thing in our M and another in our A. I dunno about me though... I think possibly I'm the flower in both. LOL! Don't know, I might do more nurturing with my OM. My relationship with him, it's hard for me to identify which role is which... but I'm definitely thinkin' I'm a flower kinda person...


Oh Lexi, I am so jealous that you are the flower x2!
I wish I was more flower-like.
Hey lexione,
MM here.
Interesting post. I have never heard relationship described that way.
It's difficult for me to say about my M. In some ways I think we've been each other's gardener's, though in retrospect neither of us had much of a green thumb.
In my A, I think my AP and I have taken turns. Early on, she was definitely the gardener, but more recently I have taken on that role. I go out of my way to be considerate of her needs and to make a comfortable space for her. It is interesting for me to think of it that way, especially after the comment from mytwistedmind. I know that my AP is the gardener of her M and that, perhaps because she can be a bit of a control freak, it is hard for her to allow herself to be cared for. It's not easy for me at times, because being the in the role of the gardener takes a lot of confidence. I am focusing on her needs, while she is putting in minimal effort towards mine. I struggle with that some days, but am trying to think that it's only what she needs now; at this moment. She's been the nurturer and now she needs to be nurtured. That should be okay.
I know it's an A, but I like to think that when partners are attentive to each other's changing needs, it feels more like a real relationship.
MPV
You've got a lot of choices. I
"I know it's an A, but I like to think that when partners are attentive to each other's changing needs, it feels more like a real relationship."
An A IS a relationship. I guess all of us here know that. It's not the same as any other R that we might have, and it sure has its own rules, but it is an R. And you are right - I think sometimes our roles change. I might be the flower in my M, but if something happened to H and I became his caregiver, I think I would have to be the gardener. My H is the "control freak" and it would be very hard for him to be the flower unless forced LOL. My OM isn't a control freak at all - our R does feel more equal to me - but I'm still a little bit more the flower...
You've got a lot of choices. I