Are you using your A to shore up your M?
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Are you using your A to shore up your M?
| Sat, 05-29-2004 - 12:15am |
I've been with h for over 20 years. I love him and we've had many good times in this marriage. But things were rocky when the a started. I've considered leaving him in the past, but never considered being unfaithful before this a started 7 months ago.
There is not a snowball's chance in hell that my OM is going to leave his wife. And he shouldn't. Other than the a, he has a good marriage to a lovely, sweet, funny woman. They have a good life together. I know that they love each other.
I resolve to give up the A 50 times a day. I love the OM, but I hate "it." In my opinion, it's a sucky way to conduct a relationship and I'm tired of the ups and downs. I don't want to hurt his w or my h. Right now, it really is more of an emotional affair than a physical one, since we rarely have the time and opportunity to be alone together, about an hour a month. We talk on average 10 minutes a day. When you add all this up, it should be a no brainer.
There is not a snowball's chance in hell that my OM is going to leave his wife. And he shouldn't. Other than the a, he has a good marriage to a lovely, sweet, funny woman. They have a good life together. I know that they love each other.
I resolve to give up the A 50 times a day. I love the OM, but I hate "it." In my opinion, it's a sucky way to conduct a relationship and I'm tired of the ups and downs. I don't want to hurt his w or my h. Right now, it really is more of an emotional affair than a physical one, since we rarely have the time and opportunity to be alone together, about an hour a month. We talk on average 10 minutes a day. When you add all this up, it should be a no brainer.
But, every time I think about just really once and for all ending it, I start feeling sorry for myself about my marriage. The A is serving as a real distraction from the problems in my m and I sometimes find the idea of staying in the m bearable only if the a continues. But I actually spend less time fantasizing about OM these days and more time thinking about what it would be like just to be free of both my h and the OM. I think sometimes that I'm using the a to shore up my marriage or is the fantasy about ditching both om and h and finding someone else just a way to avoid the pain of ending the a?

A is definitely a sucky way to conduct a relationship. Take it from me, who went way too far to give my OM wanted - my freedom - only to be rejected, abused, lied to and taken for granted. Not a way to start a relationship in my opinion. But I did think at one point we will be get thru all the cons, but apprently not.
If you are fantasizing too much about leaving OM/H - I would say you are ready to leave both the situations. You are waiting for the oppurtune time to get out. You are already half way out of the door... JMHO
Edited 5/29/2004 12:34 am ET ET by julietsfate
If you're seriously thinking of leaving the marriage with your H you've been with for 20 yrs, you're going to need some type of professional counseling along the way. Not just a crutch of a MM that isn't giving you all that you need in the first place, and don't jump into another EMA just to fill a void that you feel you need. Do it for you! Get your thoughts in order, your life in order, and feel good about yourself first. You'll never make someone else content in their life unless you'r content in yours as well. ;)
Your MM sounds like he's laid the grounds out that he's "somewhat" happy in his marriage w/wife. Is he just hanging on to you as a friend for the emotional reasons because he doesn't know how to end it, since you are no longer are having any physical contact with each other? You need to have a talk about where you really stand and where the EMA is going, or not.
Good luck, we're here!
Jen