Argh... I was so close......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Argh... I was so close......
11
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 6:25am

Well I was all set to text him today to ask if we could meet so I could end it. When I do this, I want to do it to his face- I think thats only fair.


But he called this afternoon (he texts or calls every day but they are short messages/calls) and we spoke for 45mins. It was a nice warm conversation. I told him that I am feeling guilty lately and he asked if I was going to end it. He sounded sad and shocked. I said.... no!


UGH


Cant believe it! In my defence the call caught me off guard and he was so sweet and friendly on the phone. ARGH. But

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 8:13am

You're getting there Iggy. It's obvious that you're going to get there. If you're going to make the break, you have to realize that it will all be better for your AP too. If you feel guilty about leaving him, it might make you cave, so try to see it from a different angle. You will free him of his "double life" and make it easier for him to concentrate on what's important. He might not see it that way now, but if he does some soul searching he'll eventually realize it.

Jeez, I'm beginning to think I'm the WRONG cl for this place! Our job, you know, is to keep our posters interested and welcomed and to increase posters and traffic. All that's been happening since I've been here is a faster than average march over to EAS LOL. Maybe my thought provoking posts are causing this to some degree. Maybe if I ran an "unquestioning" sort of support place everyone would stay happily here I dunno LOL. I'm kidding of course. I'm actually quite proud of everyone who is thinking things through and coming to realizations about themselves and their lives. Some of us are really OK with an A, but so many are not, and those that are not should be doing just what you're doing Iggy - questioning it all and trying for "better".

I'll be cheering you on sweetie!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 10:36am

Hi IGS,


I'm basically right where you are. I've been going over this in my mind for so long. Every day I wake up I say I'm ending it and then he does something sweet, pulls on my heart strings and I cave in. Sometimes I wonder if he has a six sense because when I feel my strongest its when he says and does the sweetest things. AP & I spoke briefly yesterday. He said he's not happy

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 9:55pm

Oh Lexi you made me laugh!!! You being responsible for a 'faster than average march to EAS', that cracked me up!!!!


I agree though that the beauty in life is thinking, considering and then deciding on happiness. I really like that all the men and women on MAS and EAS seem to be smart confident people who are really trying to come to terms with the unique issues of loving two people.


Noone wants to hurt anyone, but we find ourselves in situations where we are the ones who hurt so much!!


Personally I think your posts are inspirational and profound- plus as I have said before- anyone who can have an A for 11 years is my personal hero :)


But for me, a few things are coming together to make me question my A. Increased attention from H, decreased attention from AP, increased spirituality for me! All this combines make me think wtf am I doing- and where am I in the middle of this!


I'll just take it one day at a time but

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 10:00pm

Hey, Iggy!


I'm right there with you, sister!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 08-26-2010 - 10:10pm

You rock Lexi!.. the only way to survive an A is to keep a healthy, honest, open perspective.. with minimum fog and very quiet squirrels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 2:06am

Yep Never is right- Lexi you are the BEST!!! I think clearly when you post, and I also believe A's are possible because of wonderful women like you :)


Jane- oh boy- sex! UGH. Firstly I have to say that I have read your other posts and I am keeping up with your journey- you are amazing! What you said about having crushes! Hello! I am the same! Its chronic! As my H often says to me 'my list (of who I lust after) is long and undistinguished :) I am a lover of the male body

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 08-27-2010 - 8:14am

Thanks for the compliments Never, Jane and Iggy. They really are appreciated!

Iggy - reading your post about how your H used to be more sexual and now says he just "doesn't think of it" - I know that sometimes it's just life in general that gets in the way, all the stresses and irritations. However, a guy in his early 20's would NEVER let stresses or irritations make him "not think about" sex. The difference is often lowering of testosterone - the "desire" hormone. Sexual fantasies? Sexual (even orgasmic) dreams? All testosterone fueled, for men AND women. Now, it's almost impossible for women to obtain bio-identical hormones (especially testosterone) in this country without spending a fortune in "uncovered by insurance" expenses (that's a whole other board) but for men, there are ads on TV - "Low T??" and billboards... Have him get his testosterone level checked by his doctor! It could be as simple as that.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 08-28-2010 - 12:49am

Ooooh Lexi- you may be onto something there. I googled it, and his 'symptoms' seem to fit. Of course raising it with him may be difficult- he's nothing if not macho about this!


Haha one of the sites I read mentions that rubbing testosterone cream into the scrotum increases sexual desire. Wouldnt rubbing ANYTHING into the scrotum have that affect :)


Its annoying because he is SUCH a good guy - it annoys me that it fuels AP's ego that my H is not sexually active. It makes AP seem like the Studmuffin of Australia! Its not a fair comparison at all.


Iggyxxx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 08-29-2010 - 8:35pm

Update:


He cancelled our lunch tomorrow- his business partner was hospitalised on weekend so his work week has just gone nuts. Ugh what am I this for??


On the upside- H and I had a great weekend - including.... a great talk and 'outcome' about sex. Things at home

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Mon, 08-30-2010 - 12:10am

hi iggy,


You are so much better at articulating your feelings than I am...I just empathize with you so much.


Like you, I really wonder why I'm still slogging along in this R. I am not cut out for all the let downs and disappointments, and I really wonder what it is exactly that I'm getting out of this. We used to spend alot of time together, no more...so there I am, alone again. What bothers the heck out of me is that I actually choose to be this way...really, how else can you look at it...I haven't ended it yet, have I? I don't undersand it, really. I don't even know who I am anymore.


AP did not call me once today either. iI shouldn't have really surprised me...but it did. He made me feel very bad about myself on Saturday night as well, it's just not right. Do you know that he practically nodded off in the middle of? When I asked him, very exasperatedly, if that is what he had indeed done...he said no, he was just dreaming about work!!! So much better than actually falling asleep...right? Again, what the he** am I really getting out of this?


Lately you've been saying everything I've been feeling...just a whole lot better. You sound like you are extremely close to getting your real self back though...I envy you.


benska


p.s. Glad that things are looking "up" with your H too, I almost snorted out my drink through my nose when you said that...lol

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