Attracted to someone

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Attracted to someone
1
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 5:37pm
I can't believe I am even writing this here. But I have been married for over 5 years. I have a 3 yo daughter. We are military and move around a lot. My husband is/was my "first" if you know what I am talking about. It just felt right and I didn't need anyone else. We have had a rocky relationship to say the least. I have tried my best to keep him in my life and be a couple because I love him so much. This is the first time I have really felt this way towards another man. He is our neighbor. He lives a few houses down from us. He is probably close to 10 years younger than me. We have been out all together, the neighbors for dinners, cook-outs and such. I was instantly attracted to him, but I am old, married, love my husband, child, etc...but I have noticed our eyes meet at the same time at one another, we always seem to give each other that "look" and I am always hoping he will be at our dinners or neighbor get togethers. I find myself wanting to look good, I put on make-up and wear nicer clothes, etc...I don't like feeling this way, and would probably never persue anything out of fear of loosing my family. I think sometimes it's because I never really had other men or relationships once I met my husband and now that I am getting older (almost 35) I feel like I missed out on part of life or something. I am hoping this is just a phase and the attraction will go away. Just had to vent/ or tell this because I haven't spoken about this to anyone. Not even my sister, whom I am realy close to and share a lot with. Anyway, thanks for listening.

Spring.gif Spring image by budsnblooms


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 03-26-2009 - 7:16pm

You have a crush! That's very normal. Feeling attracted and wanting to look good for the object of your affections is normal.

If you really don't want more to happen than just a little (probably mutual) crush, just make sure no boundaries are crossed. Don't keep up those little looks to each other. Never get into an inappropriate conversation, especially if you find yourselves alone in the room or on the deck, wherever. What's inappropriate? Don't talk about your husband or family in any bad way, don't share anything with him that you haven't or wouldn't share with your husband, don't get into conversations about sexual likes and dislikes, etc. Of course you can be friendly and talk about most things, always in a "friendly" manner, no accidental brushes or touches.

Trust me, it's WAY too easy to fall into something that you never thought you would do, if you cross those boundaries. Most of the people here NEVER thought they would have an affair. But an affair doesn't just "happen". First there's the attraction, then the stolen looks and secret smiles, then the sharing details about one's life that are really personal, and then the accidental touches, etc. By the time of the first kiss, there could have been months of build up. Of course this seems exhilarating, etc. BUT if you don't want to have an affair and all the angst and pain that goes with it, you'll not take that first step.

I think the fact that you posted this HERE suggests that you might be more open to an affair than you're telling yourself. If you'd posted this "crush" on a marriage topic somewhere, you knew you'd get people telling you that, though normal, a "crush" can be really dangerous. I'm hoping that you'll choose to stay away from the affair path - for your sake. But it's your life and up to you which way to go!




Edited 3/26/2009 7:19 pm ET by lexione
Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I