Awhirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Awhirl
3
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 3:45pm


I just got back from lunch with a nice man...single, funny, intelligent, and totally inappropriate and too young for me. LOL. He wants to see me again, and I might, but he's a time filler, not my heart.

::sigh:: MM has my heart so wrapped up that I find it hard to concentrate. I've never been on a roller coaster ride like this! I don't know where we will be a year from now, but it sure would be simpler if I could figure out how to get my heart back.

I'm not ready to quit seeing him. I can't imagine not having him in my life. And frankly, I'm too selfish to let him go. It would be like performing a self-appendectomy. It would hurt like hell and I'm not sure the patient would survive.

At the same time, I read all the posts and think of the last holiday season and I refuse, absolutely refuse, to go through another holiday season like last year. And I am not sitting around sulking, crying or fussing with him. I'm not being unrealistic. We do love each other. But I won't force his decision. I'll just make my own. Somehow.

How do you handle being so lost to another person?

Cazrida



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: cazrida
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 5:33pm
"How do you handle being so lost to another person? "


If you know the answer to that please let me know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: cazrida
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 6:56pm
"How do you handle being so lost to another person?"

Oh wow.....please let me in on the secret if YOU figure it out. LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
In reply to: cazrida
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 10:55pm


Dear Julietsfate and Maxipat,

If I figure it out, I'll write a book and make enough to retire on! LOL

I was completely focused on school, my family, my kids, and my job for ten years. I was happy. I just wasn't even looking. In fact, I said that anyone who would take on me and my responsibilities was crazy and I sure didn't need that!

And I met my Querido.

My life has changed so much in the last year that I'm still stunned. I meant to play with him and he ensnared me. I would have been fine, just playing, until he grabbed my heart. I'm not playing now, and that frightens me. And thrills me. And, and, and...

Sh*t.

One of two things will happen this year. He will fully commit to me and we will build a life together, or he will decide to stay with the woman with whom he has spent the last twenty five years. I wouldn't blame him for that decision. They've built a lot together, and starting anew is hard. Truthfully, I wouldn't want someone who could toss that away lightly.

But I won't stay like this. I deserve to have someone who will love me and hold me, and whose arms will protect me through the nights and the hard times as well.

I guess in the meantime, I'll let him know he is loved and desired. I'll make memories. I'll cherish moments. And I won't sit at home alone and cry. Life's too short and I have too much to do.

But Lord, I love him!



Cazrida