Baby shower hell

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Baby shower hell
2
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:25pm
So I had to help host a baby shower for MM and his W today. She came into the office and I've met her before. She's very beautiful. I felt awkward and uncomfortable. This is so hard. I felt guilty and at the same time sad, wishing it was my baby shower with MM. I just feel down right now. I want to be a part of MM's life and I want to share a future with him, but obviously that's not possible. I could tell from their interaction and things she said about him, they did not have a great relationship. He's not into the baby at all and thinks she set him up to trap him into marriage. Ironically he told me on Monday that he originally planned on leaving her by April 1st, when their lease was up. That's before the baby and before getting married, instead today we celebrated their baby shower. I had to be all helpful and smiles and oohh and ahh over everything. It was just so hard. I also felt jealously. Jealously over the fact that she's married to him, she's carrying his child, she gets to sleep next to him, she gets to share his most personal life experiences, she gets to share his future and I can only get bits and pieces of him when he's willing to share. It really really hurts. I knew going into this there was no future for us, but it doesn't stop the desire to want a future with him, it doesn't stop how much I care about him and how much more I keep growing to care about him. It was killing me earlier this week. I just wanted to touch him, to hug him, to have him hold me, nothing sexual, just physical affection and I couldn't have that, but she can have that with him anytime she wants....I'm sorry, it's been a long day and a difficult day. Thanks for letting me ramble on...I just had to let out some of my sadness...

Ibc

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 8:55pm
First off sweet to say MM's W is beautiful..but sorry it was so awkward and that you felt sad. I hope to never be in that situation and lucky for me I have never ever seen my MM's wife other than a photo and even then it felt sort of "funny" seeing her -

It is supose to be a happy time for them both and I am sure with your emotions it's hard

simply all I can say is as hard as it may be - - - just be there for him as much as you can -

As hard as this may be think of it as celebrating a life he (he being someone you adore obviously) - is bringing into this world - however his W landed him (lucky girl) isn't anyone's business really and I know it's hard to be brought into their world - Try not to get caught up in gossip, you will only question MM's intent and start to maybe feel guilty

Next time maybe you could send a gift but forgo the party - if there are any other chances of you seeing her and him together -

I also talk to my MM about my jealousy...I have bad jealousy and good jealousy days - it's healthy but the more we talk about it the easier it is for me to hear about his day and what he did -with or without the details of his lovely W !!

Hope you at least enjoyed the cake or cookies and party games...LOL ---

really try to smile you will be loved more for being so supportive and understanding of these things !!

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Fri, 04-02-2004 - 9:08am
Hi Kikki,

That's for the supportive response. Some days it's just harder than others, and yesterday was one of those. I have been trying to be supportive of him throughout this. He's the one that suspects she "trapped" him into marriage. I just get frustrated when I think about what if's, you know? Like how he said he was going to leave her by April 1, well what if she did not get pregnant, then he said he would not have married her and what if he didn't marry her and she did not get pregnant, would there then be a future for us? He says he's not happy in the relationship and did not want to marry her or have a baby right now, but he did what he thought was right for her and the baby. He says he's indifferent to her right now and does not even want to touch her. He said he knew for a long time that their relationship was not a lasting relationship and it lacked the substance he was looking for. He says he knows he does not want to stay with her but does not think there will ever be a "good" time for him to leave where he does not look like a jerk. It sounded like he resolved himself to just exist in his relationship. This makes me so sad because I know I could make him happy and give him what he wants and I know he can do that for me as well. We both challenge each other on many different levels and I think that's what really attracted us to each other as we were friends well before anything happened and although I found him physically attractive, I didn't really think more about him. Anyways, I guess I'll never know the answers to my what if's, because even if she didn't get pregnant and they didn't get married, I would never know if he would want share a future with me anyways. (We're more FWB) and I obviously want more than that and am more emotionally involved than he is. Anyways thanks again. Take care.

ibc