Baby Talk...
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| Thu, 10-09-2003 - 9:17am |
To recap my situation, I'm married with an OM...Marriage is fulfilling in everyway I could expect and hope for it to be. OM has been involved for almost 2 yrs now. He's an old crush that crossed my path and the temptation was irresistible for me. He is engaged and I just found out in September that his G/F is PG...it's been difficult for me to absorb all of that but I have done very well keeping it real. OM and I love one another very much but both of us realize our compatibility wouldnt be squat in a day to day life together. We entered this relationship knowing we'd always be only a part-time thing and we remain in line with that entire concept.
Here's the deal...shortly after I was married I got PG and miscarried at 10 weeks. My doctor suggested I wait a few months before trying again and within that few months H and I decided to put off having a baby for a bit. Soon it became putting it off indefinately as we developed plans to build a new house, pay off debt etc. In the meantime my A started. H and I have discussed the baby thing on many occassions over the past year or more and both of us feel we should wait and with that we developed a "3 yr plan" on the baby thing.
NOW, last night H asked me if I had given anymore thought into having a baby. When he said that my stomach turned and twisted into a knot and I felt overwhelmed. He said he has been thinking about it alot lately and he's decided he is ready and willing to make whatever sacrifices that are necessary to make this happen for us sooner. I told him Im just not ready but that I would give it some more serious thought.
Today I feel overwhelmed again - and the baby thing is all I can think about. Im trying to separate my A and my OM from my decision and for some reason it seems impossible. OM and I just talked this week about how I feel about his G/F being PG with his baby and how he will feel when I decide to start a family. OM stressed he was 97% sure he would be nothing but happy for me. I know I handle things and feel differently about things than my OM does. But on the same token, I know how hurt and confused I became when I found out she was having his baby.
Perhaps its not his feelings that concern me as much as my having to give up my cake - selfish as it may sound a baby is a huge sacrifice (despite the outnumbering blessings a baby is sure to bring) but will being a mother make me give up my favorite hobby, my OM?
Anyone been in my shoes? Anyone ?????
Liberal

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I just meant that once I had her, I felt more positive about being a mom and I was more commited to whatever the future may hold.
Sweettendencies
when my first child was born (way, way back in the day!) i had a bit of a rocky start because H and i had moved into our new house just two weeks before, weren't unpacked at all, i was 60 minutes from all my family and friends when my son was a week early -- quite alot of negative aspects to deal with AND a new baby. but when i finally realized that i wouldn't "break" "drop" or "kill" the baby, i relaxed and everything flowed.
i guess for me, it was a little of both - total fear and complete love!
not that he didn't try every bit of nerves and patience i had, but he's a wonderful, happy, married and productive man that i'm proud to say is my son!
liberal - honey, you've got time to still relax and enjoy life. and from your last post i can see you ARE thinking about taking the leap. you'll stop birth control when you want to and that's all there is to know!
take care,
gurl
that's funny...
"when i finally realized that i wouldn't "break" "drop" or "kill" the baby"
I'll just say that once you have a baby, your life will NEVER EVER NEVER be the same again. Everything will change, even your own outlook on life. At least that's what happened to me.
Laugh![Smiles]()
After careful evaluation, perhaps my A isn't holding onto my baby makin' reigns as much I thought it may be....that to me would be a bad thing - I dont want my A to steer my life if I can avoid it...
Liberal
my life has not been anything the same since 1976. and thank god, my life just keeps changing and getting better and better all the time.
see ya,
gurl
your A/OM will take care of itself. like others on this board, you may stay in the A (after a short enforced break because of the birth recovery period) or it might end. either way, you will be doing the "steering" on that decision.
no worries, honey!
gurl
Time will tell...Thanks everyone!
Liberal
good for you and now you can relax and have a great weekend!
take care,
gurl
Hi Liberal,
I can't say I been in the exact same situation... but I've certainly been where you are.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
I am choosing to wait because I am not ready. I was just worried about how much of an impact my A REALLY has on my decision opposed to what Im just telling myself, which is that I wont allow it to have any impact. I think Id be a fool to think it doesnt weigh some in my decision. Its just critical to me that it doesnt have a large pull in my decisions making process.
I did alot of thinking this weekend and Im very anxious to be a mom - I got such a warm feeling when I saw a baby or walked past the baby department while shopping over the weekend. I look forward to the moment I can tell DH we're expecting and the first time I hold our child...these are all feelings I have repressed over the past 2 yrs since my miscarriage...I think that my DH saying he was ready pulled all of the emotions out and dusted them all off for me to see and feel clearly. Although Im still not ready to stop taking my pill, I feel 10 times closer than I was just a week ago...and my thoughts throughout the weekends have evolved into a level of comfort with the changes in my A that will come with motherhood.
Time will tell...
Liberal
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