Baby Talk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Baby Talk...
24
Thu, 10-09-2003 - 9:17am
I need to bounce some stuff off all of you...

To recap my situation, I'm married with an OM...Marriage is fulfilling in everyway I could expect and hope for it to be. OM has been involved for almost 2 yrs now. He's an old crush that crossed my path and the temptation was irresistible for me. He is engaged and I just found out in September that his G/F is PG...it's been difficult for me to absorb all of that but I have done very well keeping it real. OM and I love one another very much but both of us realize our compatibility wouldnt be squat in a day to day life together. We entered this relationship knowing we'd always be only a part-time thing and we remain in line with that entire concept.

Here's the deal...shortly after I was married I got PG and miscarried at 10 weeks. My doctor suggested I wait a few months before trying again and within that few months H and I decided to put off having a baby for a bit. Soon it became putting it off indefinately as we developed plans to build a new house, pay off debt etc. In the meantime my A started. H and I have discussed the baby thing on many occassions over the past year or more and both of us feel we should wait and with that we developed a "3 yr plan" on the baby thing.

NOW, last night H asked me if I had given anymore thought into having a baby. When he said that my stomach turned and twisted into a knot and I felt overwhelmed. He said he has been thinking about it alot lately and he's decided he is ready and willing to make whatever sacrifices that are necessary to make this happen for us sooner. I told him Im just not ready but that I would give it some more serious thought.

Today I feel overwhelmed again - and the baby thing is all I can think about. Im trying to separate my A and my OM from my decision and for some reason it seems impossible. OM and I just talked this week about how I feel about his G/F being PG with his baby and how he will feel when I decide to start a family. OM stressed he was 97% sure he would be nothing but happy for me. I know I handle things and feel differently about things than my OM does. But on the same token, I know how hurt and confused I became when I found out she was having his baby.

Perhaps its not his feelings that concern me as much as my having to give up my cake - selfish as it may sound a baby is a huge sacrifice (despite the outnumbering blessings a baby is sure to bring) but will being a mother make me give up my favorite hobby, my OM?

Anyone been in my shoes? Anyone ?????

Liberal

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 9:18am
Hi liberal

I think when the time comes for you to take that leap you'll be fine! The fact that you are taking the time to carefully think through all the issues in your life shows that you are a mature, thoughtful, and responsible human being -- all the best basics for being a good parent!

And you're right -- your are only 27. You have some time to think more and map out your plan. Although remember, "life is what happens while you're making plans" -- (John Lennon)!

And the ladies on this board are so right. When you DO have your baby, it will turn your life upside down in every wonderful way possible. In no time you will not be able to remember what life was like without your child.

Good luck

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 2:48pm
You girls ROCK! ***group hug***
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 10-13-2003 - 11:32pm

Hi Liberal,


I so know the process that you are going through right now... so I'm glad that my words and experience may have helped in even such a small way.


You will know when you are ready... and regardless... your A will have

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-14-2003 - 1:39am
Hi Lib,

I see you've already gotten some great feedback, but I wanted to add my support, too.

NOTHING stays the same forever - go with your gut feelings and what *you* want now. Chances are you, your affair, and OM will change even in a year...and so too will your situation.

I don't think you necessarily need to "give up" one pleasure to gain another. Your bringing a baby into this world may change you some - but you need to make certain you are still the same person < providing you like that person, which I feel you do ;-) > regardless of other hats you may wear - don't loose your self for gaining another persona.

The world is at your feet, Lib, and it's yours to do with what you will. Have Fun no matter what it is!

Hugs,

Meow

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