Back again...(((sigh)))

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Back again...(((sigh)))
5
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 2:08pm

Hi!

I have been here and every board pertaining to an A.  And I am supposed to learn a lesson with each time I mess up and have an A, but alas, I have not.  lol  So, here I am again, after a 3 year hiatus w/AP from the last time.  So, going on 6 years with this guy.  What is wrong with me?

Well, to begin with, he and I are very compatible, but mostly in bed.  Secondly, he is like a drug.  This whole A is as addictive as it gets, for both of us.  It is what it is though, only a physical A.  I have to keep telling myself that, because he is the king of mixed signals, and not saying exactly what he means.  There is no guessing this time.  If I need something clarified I will get it.  And I am doing my best to let my heart be in the way, because I know I have feelings, as I always have.  But it is not meant to be that way.

At least this time, he is partially more honest.  He has admitted to a girlfriend this time.  He is single, and I wouldn't expect him to not live his life, as I have a H and family of my own.

Hopefully, playing things a little different will produce different results.   So far, so good.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 2:44pm
It is addicting and never thought it was possible to be addicted to another person. If you don't mind me asking...have you ever had a D-day in the 6 years you've been seeing AP? Has he been single for all that time? Why didn't he admit to having a girlfriend before? Although you are married, does it bother you that he is seeing some1?

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 3:11pm

Addictions are more powerful than you think, especially to someone else.  I do know about that, and I do have an addictive personallity.

Oh yeah, d-day big time!!!!  A lot happened at that time, and my H did beat the crap out of him, but apparently that wasn't enough to keep us apart.  I was the one who sent the "hi" email recently, and he responded happily, and things went from there.  If someone had beat me up, I would stay far, far away.  Says a lot about the "relationship" that we have.  The sex is amazing, the relationship, that leaves a lot to be desired,  Left at just sex, we are fine.  The affair of the heart is not somewhere he likes to go, nor do I need to know.  Whether he loves me or not, doesn't matter if it is just sex.  I am enjoying it this way.

He has been single, as in not married.  He goes through gf's like underwear.  I am not sure why he would not admit to having a gf.  He would talk to me like I was the only one who mattered, but I always knew there was someone else.  This time, she is living there, so he told me about her.  But most of them live with him, I think to help pay the bills.  He can be quite manipulative, selfish, greedy, all of the above.  I could go on all day.  But I am not sure why he never told me, considering I am married. 

Does it bother me?  Part of me, yes.  Only because there is a part of me that wants to be with him and only him.  But that is not possible for multiple reasons.  So, I try to push that aside.  As for having a gf, he should.  Like I said, he is not married, and I don't expect him not to have a life.  I can't see nor talk to him everyday, and I want him to be happy.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 6:30pm

That's horrible that H beat up your AP!  How did H handle it with you?

I can't really tell from reading your post if you actually like AP as a person or not, or what made you email him.  What about the R leaves a lot to be desired?   It's interesting after that long of a break that you were drawn back together.  I was with AP for 6 yrs - I sometimes wonder how we distinguish love vs. addiction in a long-term A with all the ups & downs of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 9:23am
Hi Create,
I wonder the same thing. How do we distiniguish love vs. addiction in a long-term Affair? We should start that topic & see what posters may think.

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 10:22am

It was horrible that he beat him up.  But at the time, there was so much going on and things happening.  I didn't want to lose my marriage and I still don't want to.  Also, AP was doing things that were just wrong and I didn't feel too horrible at the time.  H handled it the best he could; I think we both did.  We had to learn to move on.  The trust is still not fully there, but I am being careful as I can.

You know, you hit the nail on the head.  I really don't like AP as a person, but something keeps drawing me back to him.  What made me email him?  After all that time, I missed him, and I longed for him.  I heard the song, Someone I Used to Know, and I just emailed him.  He was very receptive.  I was surprised.  The R is different.  We don't get into feelings, although he knows where I stand and where he stands.  A long time ago, he said 6 years too late, meaning he wishes we met so much sooner.  I do also, but it is what it is.  We enjoy each other when we can.

Yeah, after that long, it was still intense.  The first time we were together, it was unbelievable.  He fits like a glove. 

I have read a few articles on A's.  And then I read up on A's and addiction.  A's are so much like drugs and the feelings of them, like the euphoria, and the longing.

 

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