Back and with Questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Back and with Questions
11
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:19am


My MM and I had a wonderful weekend last week. We went out of town Thur through Monday and had lots of fun. Good time for talking, laughing...and we met a bunch of friends we'd been talking with online.

Monday afternoon we got back and he went home. And Real Life takes over again.

I won't let him talk about forever, unless and until he's ready to commit. I have a friendship with him that I can't see ever losing, but the affair is so hard. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm trying to get back to just enjoying the time we have together, but truthfully, being the OW makes me feel like a second-class citizen. I can't share him with my friends. I can't call him to share the good and the bad points, at least not on her time.

I know his marriage is really strained right now. It would have to be after it had come to the point where he had her looking for apartments just six weeks ago. And he tells me that he's not sure where things are going, either.

I feel myself trying to pull away...to put back up the walls I hid behind for so long. I'm trying to be friends, and just cut back on all the emotional stuff. Of course, he doesn't want to allow that, either. He's smart and very sensitive to my feelings.

I don't know how long I can handle this. I'm trying to be strong and patient. But here, where you understand, I have to admit that I'm not so strong. I told him last night that it isn't easy loving someone at his convenience. It tends to make you doubt your own true value.

Any hints, hugs and helps would be appreciated.

Cazrida

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 3:16pm

oh cazrida -- honey, there are no hints or ways of dealing with a hurt heart!!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 4:06pm


I just sent him an email telling him goodbye. I told him that I love him and that I will probably always love him, but that I can't keep living like this.

We'll still write together. We're halfway through the first book in a series. If anything changes on his part, he knows where to find me. But its time I moved on.

At least, its time I try to move on...and to heal.

WAILS: I can be strong. I can be strong. I can be strong.



Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 4:16pm
I can't imagine what pain your heart is going through. Be strong and know we are here for you. Let us know if we can do anything to help ease your hurt.

((((HUGS))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 4:31pm


Thanks to all on this board for your love and support.

I never expected to be here...to need you. You've been wonderful!

Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 5:37pm
Hold on missy!!! You went around with MM and romanced him in the weekend and now you are giving him the boot? I know you are single and want him in his life but consider the amount of pain you will be putting him in since he already in a mess at home. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 5:41pm
HUGS, cazrida. I am so sorry you are to end it. I hope you will find happiness and love that you deserve. Good Luck sweetie!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:33pm


He's trying to fix his home and I can't help but be a problem there.

I love him. I'm just not cut out to be the OW...to wait for a phone call...to worry things to death.

I'm giving him time to make things work. Yes, I'd love to have him back, but I'm worth more than someone who is kept hidden and can't reach out when I need the man I love.

He knows that.

We'll see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:35pm


Thanks Juliet, for all your prayers and support.

One afternoon down...a lifetime to go.

Cazrida

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 2:20am
(((HUGS)))

YOU are SO brave, and SO strong!!!!! If you truly believe you are doing right by YOU that is the most important thing. Time is on your side sweety. Take your time. Think things through. Eat chocolate ice cream :) You word things very well and you often put into words how i feel, but i am not ready to walk away from my MM. He is so wonderful and willing to be in my life in ANY way i allow him. i know exactly what you are going through (my MM 'changed his mind' after telling me adn his W he was leaving for me). i know how hard it is. i know how one minute we are happy just to spend time with them and the next we long for more. i can honestly tell you in my case, i am becoming happier, more carefree and allowing myself to enjoy what we have while preparing myself for the future whatever it brings. But this "part time" relationship is not for everyone. i think you know when you are doing the right thing. if you don't end it altogether this time don't beat up on yourself. There's so much that can still happen. Hang in there. We are here for you.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 7:17am


The man must own an orbiting mind-control laser.

He emailed me and originally was going to be supportive...there for me. He wasn't going anywhere.

By the next day he was protesting, vehemently. And rightfully.

Folks, I love this man. I hate the roller-coaster and the no contact weekends. I don't have to be married to him to be happy. I have a good, full life. But I can't tell you that I'm handling any of this very well.

We're back on, at least for now. We're tentatively planning on getting together next week for a while.

Oh well, so I'm a pushover for him. That actually works both ways.

Cazrida

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