Back and with Questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Back and with Questions
11
Mon, 03-08-2004 - 7:19am


My MM and I had a wonderful weekend last week. We went out of town Thur through Monday and had lots of fun. Good time for talking, laughing...and we met a bunch of friends we'd been talking with online.

Monday afternoon we got back and he went home. And Real Life takes over again.

I won't let him talk about forever, unless and until he's ready to commit. I have a friendship with him that I can't see ever losing, but the affair is so hard. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm trying to get back to just enjoying the time we have together, but truthfully, being the OW makes me feel like a second-class citizen. I can't share him with my friends. I can't call him to share the good and the bad points, at least not on her time.

I know his marriage is really strained right now. It would have to be after it had come to the point where he had her looking for apartments just six weeks ago. And he tells me that he's not sure where things are going, either.

I feel myself trying to pull away...to put back up the walls I hid behind for so long. I'm trying to be friends, and just cut back on all the emotional stuff. Of course, he doesn't want to allow that, either. He's smart and very sensitive to my feelings.

I don't know how long I can handle this. I'm trying to be strong and patient. But here, where you understand, I have to admit that I'm not so strong. I told him last night that it isn't easy loving someone at his convenience. It tends to make you doubt your own true value.

Any hints, hugs and helps would be appreciated.

Cazrida

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:29am
YAY!! I am glad you are back! LOL I loved your poems. :)

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