Baffled, confused, speechless...HELP....
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| Thu, 06-10-2010 - 9:59am |
Hello everyone -
I really need some input today, my A is more then over (and I am okay with that, we've tried several times to end it and after yesterday it is over, been almost 2 years) but that isn't what is bothering me. It is the words he said to me, the way he made me feel and how cold and cruel he was.
We work together, he has been mean and cruel but NOT to this extent, I mean, we work together, you would think he wouldn't want to "rock the boat" and make it awkward for us, or make it an enviroment that is "hateful" for us, especially after I've been nothing (well 95%) good to him.
Here is what happened. For those who don't know, we had a fight last Friday, I was upset with his lack of communication, he said if I can't hanld it and can't handle being his "friend" then there isn't anything he can do about it, then said you let me know, so I replied and said no comment and we aren't friends, he said your loss

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Hi Crazygirl
Without me looking back through your posts, tell me what it is you wanted to get out of the A.
It looks a wee bit lopsided as your emotions are showing.
Thank you so much for your quick words of advice and encouragement.
I am still just in shock he said such cruel things to me and how he sees that as being okay?!?!?! I mean how DARE HE JUDGE me in saying my H deserves better?!?!
I'm so angry right now, and yes I will of course be civil and professional when around him but I am taking the high road, I've always deserved better then him, the way he has treated me and has done me, this being the icing on the cake. How DARE HE look at me sexually not even a week ago, tell me he would date me if we had met single then do this??? I feel like sending an email, being very professional and saying what I've ALWAYS wanted to say about him, us and get it off my chest ONCE AND FOR ALL....what do you think about that? I promise to be professional and not all "name calling"....just to get off my chest, to not only close that door but to super glue it, nail it and tape it SHUT FOR GOOD!
All along we have been fine for the most part, nothing has ever been said to me like what he said to me yesterday. ANd yes, his wife - it would suck to be here, I am his third "A"......this is only my FIRST and LAST!!!!! Yet MY H DESERVES BETTER?!?!?!?!?!
OOPS! The guy has shown his mentality which is quite cheap.I faintly remember reading your post earlier this week.He is S and sleeps around with not one but many women? huh? It will be tough for you to get over these words so get therapy asap.Some things can be impressionable and leave a scar forever.
See,the guy is cheap and has shown.No need to send him 'last' mail etc.Honestly,though it cant be undone but you shouldnt have sent him that sexual email.Dont send this 'last' one to avoid further humiliation.
Go therapy and dont underestimate the wrong power of such incidences.
Hello -
Actually, lol, no - that isn't me (the one who has the single guy on the side and several other women) but I do know which post you are speaking of becuase I posted on her thread.
Anyway, that isn't me and I do appreciate your post though, I really do. However, I have already sent him my last email and let me just say it was perfectly stated, there isn't one thing I'd change about it, I was direct, stern, but very professional and factual.
I feel great that it is all over. I already feel the poision leaving my veins.
The problem with sending that last e-mail is that he will surely return one, and since he's shown what his game is now, I guarantee it will be filled with things that will infuriate you, hit at your self esteem and make you question what you're worth! He knows what buttons to push. So my advice is to block his e-mail PRONTO and if you haven't, then delete anything he sends without reading. Trust me, you will be sorry if you do. He obviously has a cruel streak, and if he can't have you the way he was having you, he's going to amuse himself trying to bring you down as far as you let him.
I could be wrong (hope so) but he sounds so far like a type that I stay far away from if I recognize one, whether they are workmates, relatives, etc. - not easy since they can be quite charming, etc. when you first meet them.
I wish you luck and hope you do not read whatever he now sends to you!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
Hi Crazygirl...personally I'm a little crazy too over my affair and reading your post makes me "see myself"... the game of the affair is fun, the chase, knowing you are wanted -- truly it has been about feeling good about yourself ( or myself) and getting that validation from a desirable man...I know it feels good.
Here's the thing...it does come down to wanting to feel wanted...and gong elsewhere and not working on our marriages isn't changing that wound. It's fun, but then it hurts because even they don't really want us...they want to "play' that's all. Granted I liked the playing too...but after awhile it makes you sick really...because underneath you want more for yourself, and you deserve more...
I think we are going to the wrong source and we have to look within. We need a healthy, smart counselor to figure out our "heads" so we face our truths.
I have session next week - I can't imagine if I saw my AP every week at work, I could not handle it...You need to seriously consider changing jobs and/or working on your marriage and yourself. And sometimes I think - I need more "fun" in my life instead of using my "affair" as my fun...does that makes sense? Get busy having fun in healthy ways and take care of your spirit.
Change yourself and your perspective...I'm sure at one point you were like me and thought being loyal and loved in a marriage was an important goal... aim for that goal and I think this goal of wanting him to want, this game will seem pretty meaningless. Maybe you should consider leaving your marriage and being single and dating single guys...if I don't want to work at my marriage then i will leave...and very soon I'm am going to change things for the better.
I want to feel good.
You should too.
Value yourself. Love yourself enough to feel sorry for him and take care of your spirit. Seriously consider changing your job situation so you don't have to see him. Let him be. You don't need him.
Do not disrespect yourself any longer by engaging with him. His comment about your husband was mean and hurtful - after all, he played a part in it too - but now you have a perfect chance to prove him that YOU deserve better too and cut him off for good.
xoxo
Gone
OOPS ! Sorry for the confusion on my part.
You can only control your actions ,not other peoples.
Thank you ALL for all of your support because out of all my days in this dumb A I believe today I needed your support most. It was just very hurtful to hear him say that to me......I don't understand it to this moment why he felt he had to be so cruel for.
cl-lexione - you are absolutely right and I sure wish I could share with you what I sent him becuase I believe you would be so proud of me (lol, I sure am) one of the last things I told him was do not reply to this becuase I won't read it, I said I will immediately delete it so don't even bother, I want nothing else from you. Then my last sentence was "Remember this (name), you might be a womanizer but I am not just some “hot bitch” with a vagina you can continue to treat as such.
I am sure his jaw is still dropped open and it should be. He hasn't so far responded to me but won't doubt if he tries to......I've never been mean to him this way but he deserves it.
thanks again so much for your support (all of you)
HUGS!
Hello there julied4me ~
You have much truth to everything you have said here in your post. It is a game, and that is exactly what they (or my XAP) wanted, he loved to toy with me, in fact said that to me one day, how he enjoys it. After a while I suppose he got bored and had enough, still no excuse for him to have been so cruel to me, not after going through so much crap for nearly 2 years.
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